Perfectionist
by ti11ie
Summary: COMPLETED A response to a challenge on kantayra's website at this address: http:www.angelfire.comme4kantayracontestschallenges.html Summary: Set immediately after OMWF. Buffy makes a wish to change Spike to be her ideal man, but in doing so he stops l
1. Default Chapter

Chapter One –The Tip

'RUN!!!!!!!'

The girl didn't need to be told twice, and quickly left Buffy alone with the two vampires who had just attacked her. She made short work of the first, glad to have the first dust of the night under her belt. Feeling the need for any sort of entertainment, Buffy decided to play for a while, after all her second dust looked like being the last of the night.

Throwing her stake to the side, Buffy began to use the fledgling vampire as a punch bag; practicing punches, jabs and one or two throws. Several times she had to wait for the vampire to recover before continuing the onslaught.

"Stupid vampires." She pouted. "Not even worth sparring with anymore."

She waited as the vampire regained his balance before hitting him square on the jaw.

"And of course my best sparring partner of old has a chip in his head." She hit him with a powerful upper cut.

"And even worse, he's now 'in love' with me." Buffy did air quotes between punches.

"And now I've kissed him. A vampire. Spike." Each statement was accompanied with a blow that knocked the confused expression of the vampire's face.

"As if he needed more encouragement." A jab to the ribs then she sighed.

"As if I needed more encouragement."

As the vampire cocked an eyebrow in a vaguely Spike-like way, Buffy snatched her stake off the floor and finally dusted him.

"What is wrong with me?" She asked the falling dust quietly.

It wasn't until she turned to leave that Buffy saw the girl coming out from behind some boxes where she'd obviously taken refuge instead of running as she had thought.

"Are you ok?" Buffy asked, spooked and worrying that the girl had heard her rant.

" Lucky I was around; muggers are no match for a black belt in karate, no matter how weird they look."

The girl finally spoke up:

"Oh my God! You're like totally the Slayer!" Buffy opened her mouth and shut it again, stunned. The girl continued.

"I'm a witch in Willow's coven at college. She probably wouldn't know me, I mean she's like an uberwitch or something. Her and Tara are just so cool, everyone's always talking about their spells and the big fights against evil. All top secret of course. Wow, I can't believe I've met the real live Slayer, I've wanted to meet you for so long, and know you've like totally saved my life! Man that was so cool."

Buffy finally relaxed, and smiled. She'd never had a fan before, but this girl seemed totally star struck.

"Well it's nice to meet you...?"

"Sarah, my name's Sarah."

"It's nice to meet you Sarah." Buffy turned to leave, half-expecting the girl to ask for an autograph.

"Buffy, wait!"

"Yeh?"

"Let me do something for you. I mean you saved my life back there, let me give you something in return. I could do a spell, I'm a good witch, although not as good as Willow of course."

"No thank you, Slayers don't accept tips." She smiled but the girl didn't drop it.

"I could change that man of yours…what was his name? Spike?"

Buffy's refusal died on her lips causing the younger girl to smirk. There was something so tempting in her words.

"What do you mean?" Buffy desperately tried to play dumb.

"I just heard you stressing over him while beating crap outta that vamp, and thought I could lend a hand." Buffy flushed at this.

"Well it's obvious that you like him"

Buffy opened her mouth with a ready denial, but was cut across.

"So why not just change one or two things to suit you better, give you guys a better chance at happiness, make you get on better, even make him a better lover, whatever…"

"You're not a vengeance demon, are you?"

"A what now?"

Buffy's lips relaxed into a small smile.

"Do you wanna go get some coffee?"


	2. The List

Chapter Two – The List

The two girls were sat on a couch in the corner of the coffee shop, away from the ears of the other customers. A lengthy silence followed the end of the small talk until Sarah finally broke it.

"Ok, so the spell I wanna give you is very simple. I've done it loads of times before, but it is binding. You write a list, put everything on it, anything you miss will not happen. You sign the list, making it more like a contract, and everything stays that way until you die."

"Until I die? Why would I die…again?" Buffy tensed visibly.

"No, silly. It's just that when you reach the ripe old age of 147 and pass on from this mortal sphere, you don't need the spell anymore. The universe has enough magic balancing things and holding it together without it being used for unnecessary things, so when a person dies, any spell done for their benefit ends."

"Right, I guess that makes sense." Buffy relaxed again, annoyed at herself for her dumb reaction.

"Ok, I'll need a few strands of your hair to bind the spell to you, and something of Spike's too."

Buffy scanned the café, embarrassed at even hearing Spike's name in relation to her feelings. She searched her pockets and found a note that Spike had written given directions to a demon haunt. She gave it and a few hairs gently pulled from her head to the Wicca.

"Great. All we need now is the list."

Over an hour later, Buffy was still thinking up alterations to make to Spike, while an increasingly bored Sarah wrote them down.

"Ooh wait, I don't want him to watch soaps anymore either!"

Rolling her eyes, Sarah added it to the list.

"Ok, so that must be it. Let me read it back to you… Spike has to have everything that is who he is, looks and personality."

"Yeh, cos I wouldn't want to get Riley in Spike's body!" Buffy snorted at the thought.

"Who's Riley?"

"Doesn't matter."

Sarah sighed with frustration and continued; "He has to be human, have his natural hair colour and a tan. He must keep his super powers and stamina. He must have a nice apartment and car paid for by a legal job. He must get on with the friends and family of Miss Buffy Summers. He must not smoke, drink, swear, letch or make innuendos. He must drop the Big Bad act along with his duster, and be romantic and generous. He must be a good cook. He must give valuable input on clothes, hair and fashion, including dressing better himself. He must not refer to any of his ex girlfriends, and must not call Miss Buffy Summers by any nicknames. He must not be jealous or verbally bash Angel. He must let Miss Buffy Summers drive his car. He must stop calling soccer 'football'. He must listen to chart music, and he must stop with englishisms. Finally, he must not watch soap operas."

"Do you think I've missed anything?"

"NO!!!" Sarah answered quickly, now desperate to escape. "I'll do the spell for you tonight, it may take a while." She said, eyeing the list again.

"I really appreciate this." Buffy said, picking up on her slight negativity.

"I can honestly say that I want to give you this spell more now I know what you're like than I did before." With a sly smile Sarah left the coffee shop, unable to believe the arrogance and brazen selfishness of her former idol.


	3. Human Again

Chapter Three – Human Again

At 12 noon the next day Spike woke up with a start, his heart racing. But the nightmare he left was tamer than the one he woke up to.

He could hear his heart beating, thumping in his chest, inexplicably pumping blood to all his vital organs as if it had never stopped.

He leapt out of bed, not knowing what to do. He couldn't escape the menacing thudding coming from his breast. He tried to shift into game face. No luck. On a whim he ran to the bathroom to check for his old friend, and there he was, staring back from the other side of the mirror. He frowned, realising he'd miraculously lost his bleached locks, and his natural hair colour was complimented by what could only be referred to as a tan!

Trembling, Spike made his way back to the bed, that's when he noticed them on the floor; piles of forms, documents and letters. On closer inspection he found all legal identity documents, including passport and green card; all bearing his name and his age, minus 100 years. There were also insurance documents for a Ferrari in a garage across town, a tenancy agreement for an apartment in the same block as Xander and Anya's, and a job offer from an accountant in the city centre.

Spike felt numb as he sat back down on his bed, and as it finally dawned on him that he was no longer the powerful, immortal being he had been for the majority of his existence, a single tear ran down his cheek. He thought briefly about numbing the pain with whisky, but the tears were already flowing too fast and too heavy for him to control. It was all he could do to smother himself in his duvet to hide the huge, ranking sobs that were tearing him up from the inside.

The phone rang and Willow picked it up.

"Hello, this is the Summers, Rosenburg and MacClay residence, Willow speaking."

"Is Tara there, please?"

"No, she's not, I'm afraid she has a late class, she doesn't get out til 6. Can I take a message?"

"No, no message." –Click-

Willow frowned, that voice had seemed so familiar, yet she couldn't place it. And who would be ringing for Tara? Didn't she know all her friends? Probably a class mate, she decided.

Spike hung up the phone quickly, hoping the accent he'd put on had fooled Willow. It was definitely better that Tara was still in class, it meant he could find her, get her to come back to the crypt and sort all this out without him having to go anywhere near Revello Drive in his present state.

He reached for his duster, but changed his mind and picked up an old suit jacket that was lying around. Dusting it off, he slipped it on and made his way to the college.

"Tara!"

She turned, confused, to the pillar that had just hissed her name.

"Come here!"

She followed the urgent whisper round the pillar.

"Spike." Confusion instantly set in. Why was Spike picking her up from class? "You changed your hair."

"That's not all that's changed, that's the problem." With that he stepped out into the sunlight. Tara gasped as realisation hit her.

"How..? I mean… how?"

"That's why I need your help. Please come back to the crypt with me. Please help me sort this out." Spike couldn't hide the pleading in his voice, and Tara agreed, phoning Willow quickly to tell her she needed to go to the library before she came home.


	4. A New Life

Chapter Four – A New Life

Buffy looked at the clock and sighed; still 9.02. She was dying to go see Spike, to see if the spell had worked. She knew she didn't usually patrol tonight and was trying to think up a reasonable excuse when Willow walked in.

"Buffy, I'm really worried about Tara; she said she was going to the library after class, but that was 3 hours ago. Is there any chance you could go check on her?"

Bingo! "Of course, Will."

Tara and Spike had reached his new apartment a little after 7.30pm. After almost half an hour of shivering inside his crypt, Tara had finally suggested that they go take a look and look through the rest of the paper work there.

They took a tour of the apartment. Each room was big and elegantly furnished. There was food in the kitchen cupboards, towels in the bathroom, and even some new clothes hanging in the wardrobe. There was a widescreen TV with DVD player and Xbox, there was a huge CD hifi system with CD racks full of CDs. In short, the place was ready to be lived in.

Tara had flushed at the naughty thoughts about Willow that entered her head on seeing the huge circular bed that was in the bedroom.

"Wow, it's quite the bachelor pad you've got here."

Spike smiled a small, sad smile in response as he fixed them some coffee. Although he tried, he couldn't hold in the tears for long. As soon as he sat down with the 2 mugs of coffee he began shaking with tears that fell unchecked down his face.

"What am I going to do? What on earth am I going to do? I used to be immortal, but now… I'm human again. My God, it's so awful…"

Tara immediately hugged him, holding him close as she whispered soothingly in his ear.

"It's ok, we're gonna work this out, I'm here for you, I'm not going anywhere."

Finally her reassurances calmed him and Tara was able to begin looking at the paper work.

Spike watched as she worked through the pile of letters and documents, inspecting them all closely. He kept quiet until she'd finally finished.

"Everything seems to be in order."

"What?"

"These are all legal contracts and documents. It seems that for some reason you've been given a proper human existence complete with 9-5 job, apartment, car, passport and green card."

"But why?" Tara was stuck for an answer, and was glad to be interrupted by her phone. She looked at the caller ID. Willow. Again. She drew a deep breath and hit 'answer'.

"Hey sweetie, I was just gonna call you… Yeh I know and I'm sorry…I didn't realise how long this research would take me…I'm really sorry…I'll be home soon."

"Trouble in paradise?" Spike asked gently as she hung up the phone.

"What? No. I mean, it's just… kinda hard right now."

"It's the magic, isn't it?"

"It's more than that…" Tears welled up of their own accord in Tara's eyes. Instinctively Spike pulled her into a tight hug. Kissing her forehead he said;

"You can tell me."

"It's nothing, really."

"Nuh-uh, not buying."

"It was just… Willow… She kinda did a spell on me."

"What kind of spell?" Spike's voice tightened in anger.

"She made me forget an argument we had." She barely whispered it but Spike heard it all.

"What? That girl doesn't know a good thing when she's got it." It slightly threw Spike that he hadn't used any expletives despite his rage. Shrugging it off, he figured he was just keeping it clean for the lady present.

Tara's tears were falling fast now, and Spike was at a loss to stop them.

"I really cannot begin to understand why she would do that to you. What are you going to do about it?"

"What do you mean 'do'?"

"Tara, you can't stay with her if she feels free to violate you like that whenever things aren't going her way."

"B-but she's my everything, we were so perfect." At this Tara broke down again, clinging to Spike as if he gave her the strength to keep living.

Finally the tears subsided and Tara stood up and reached for her jacket. As she slipped it on, her face became so much like Willow's resolve face that it made Spike smile.

"You know what, Spike? I think the answer to both our problems is the same. I don't have my old relationship with Willow anymore, it's gone, I can't go back. My only option is to go forward, to live with and make my decisions by the one we have now… And you, you may not like your new human life, but it seems as though you're stuck with it, no going back. You have no choice to live it, at least until we can get the others to research a way back for you."

Spike tensed at the thought of telling the others. He walked her to the front door in silence, and thrust a note for a taxi in her hand before she could argue.

"Spike, you're gonna have to tell the others about this, but I'll be there for you."

"Tomorrow then." He agreed, and as she turned to go he added;

"And if you ever need to talk , or just fancy stopping by, all three of us will be waiting for you."

"All three of you?"

"Yep, me, Ben and Jerry." Spike grinned and Tara couldn't help but reciprocate. As she walked down the steps from his apartment, she suddenly felt that everything was going to be alright.

Slamming the door to her bedroom, Buffy changed for bed. Tara had already arrived back home by the time she'd gotten back. Unable to relax, her thoughts kept returning to the empty crypt she'd visited. Why wasn't Spike there? Surely he'd want to come and find her, to show her his new place, if he's even moved in yet.

Frustrated, Buffy got into bed, willing her body to sleep.


	5. Reintroductions

Chapter Five – Re-introductions

Buffy had known what the meeting was about as soon as Tara had called it. In fact she's been fighting with jealousy all day that it was Tara that Spike had gone to and not her. If he had come to her, they might even be announcing their new relationship right now. Instead she was sat in the Magic Box with the others, waiting for Tara to arrive. She was sat to one side, not joining in the speculation as to why the meeting had been called; which had been intensified by Willow's knowing nothing and Tara's insistence that Dawn be present.

"Maybe she wants to give up being a Scooby." Dawn said, quietly.

"Maybe she just did some spell that backfired." Xander received a pointed glare from Willow.

"Maybe she really is a demon, after all." Anya received a pointed glare from everybody. "What? It's not so bad. You people are just prejudiced."

"Maybe we should just wait until Tara arrives and tells us why she called this meeting." Giles cut in, obviously tired of the conversation.

The Scooby grumbles at this were interrupted by the bell ringing. Tara entered followed by a very shy, scared-looking Spike.

Before they'd even sat down the questions had begun, all the Scoobies talking over each other, back to speculating loudly, without listening, causing the usually quiet Tara to almost shout.

"Spike is human. Again." The questions died on everyone's lips. Finally Giles spoke up.

"How?"

"We don't know. As far as we can tell, he just woke up like this yesterday morning. Although, he's actually more than human. I mean he still has his vamp powers."

"Is it permanent?"

"It seems to be, although there's no way of knowing for sure."

"We could run some tests on him, see how he's been affected, and try to establish whether or not it is indeed permanent."

"Is it really Spike?" Anya's sudden question was met with a flash of fire in the eyes of the usually timid woman.

"Of course it is."

"I just meant that he seems… you know. Different. Less attitude and less being a pain in the ass. In fact less talking all together."

"He's just taking some time to adjust to his new life."

Anya was right. Buffy had been watching Spike since he arrived. To say he looked worse for wear would be an understatement. Sure he had all the things she'd asked for, but they faded away against the puffy red eyes and the nervous way he hugged himself as he avoided eye contact with everybody.

She couldn't understand it; surely he should be happy to be human. It meant they could be together. It meant he could walk in the sun, and it meant that the Scoobies would accept him, in time, as a friend. So why the brooding?

As soon as she'd thought the word, it dawned on her. Soul. That must be why he's acting like this. This wasn't so good. Buffy was distracted from her musings as Dawn got up out of her chair, and walked to where Spike was sitting, away from the others as they discussed him.

"Spike?" She asked, softly.

"'Lo Bit." He gave her a small smile, and with that she threw herself onto his lap, drawing him into a tight hug. What shocked Buffy most were the tears that streaked both faces when they finally pulled away.

An awkward silence followed, nobody knowing what to say. Apparently encouraged by Tara and Dawn's support, Spike finally spoke, albeit in a sad scared voice that sounded more like a little boy than a Master vampire.

"I don't know what has happened to me. One day I wake up and I'm still me, but at the same time I'm not myself in so many ways that I feel like a stranger in my own body." He paused, obviously willing away the tears in his eyes.

"I know that you all have a list as long as your arm of reasons why you don't care and why this isn't your problem, but honestly I've no where else to turn, and I've never been so terrified in my entire existence. So if any of you can do anything for me, I'll be indebted to you a hundred times over. I probably already am…"

"So you're a good guy now?" Willow asked tentatively.

"Cos he wasn't before." Dawn said sarcastically. Spike's eyes widened suddenly at this, and he looked like he might argue for a moment, but finally just shrugged and said;

"I guess I've tried to be for a while, but had to much pride and bravado to let you see it."

"So no more Big Bad?" Willow asked, quirking an eyebrow, almost an outright challenge to his sincerity.

"No more Big Bad." He agreed. He could see that although he had won Willow to his cause, everyone was still looking dubious, except Buffy, who hadn't said a word since he'd arrived. It was unusual for her not to over-vocalise an opinion about something like this. Giles interrupted before he could muse anymore.

"So apart from the obvious, what else has changed that puts you so much on edge?"

"Do you want the list?" Buffy's eyes widened and her whole body tensed before she realised it was sarcasm. Damn, she'd forgotten to include that on her list. She tried to relax again, but couldn't.

"Put it this way," Spike was saying, "I have a new apartment, a car, even a job for crying out loud, and all one hundred percent legal… And I can't even swear." The last bit was mumbled quickly so the others only just made it out.

"What do you mean you can't swear?" Xander asked between suppressed laughter.

"I mean that no matter how wound up, aggravated or angry I get, I can't utter one stupid expletive if my life depends on it." The mirth on Xander's face was clearly riling Spike, but the more the others thought about it, the funnier it became, until only Spike and Buffy were not holding their sides in laughter. Spike was smirking, pretending to be annoyed when his inclusion in the joke has actually cheered him up immensely. Buffy was still silent, but was wearing a fake smile on her face, pretending to join in.

"So why don't we go celebrate?" Anya asked, excitedly.

"Celebrate what exactly?" Spike asked, sceptically.

"That I'm no longer the only ex-demon in the gang… Well not the only one over a hundred years old anyway." She amended off Giles's nervous glasses cleaning. Spike couldn't help but smile at this.

"I suppose you could all come round to my new apartment, watch a DVD or something."

"Better keep it G-rated for Captain Peroxide." Xander smirked.

"Bronze it is then." Spike deadpanned.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Spike frowned as Buffy finally spoke up.

"What's that then?"

"Well we would usually patrol tonight, I mean seeing as you still have your vamp strength I figured you'd still wanna come with. No reason to stop."

"Err… ok, fine. You guys go ahead to the Bronze and Buffy and I will meet you after patrol."

"Cool, pick me up at 7." Spike nodded as everyone got ready to leave; the Scooby meeting officially over. This was really strange. Firstly the patrolling Buffy had mentioned had actually been him stalking her, and as far as he was aware she hated it and the others were most definitely not supposed to know about it. And since when did he pick her up at her house? This was strange, very strange. Strangest of all was that he wasn't really looking forward to it. He would much rather be going straight to the Bronze with the others. Since when was he not eternally grateful for every second that Buffy deigned to spend with his sorry self? Curiouser and curiouser.


	6. Is this a date?

Chapter Six – 'Is this a date?'

"Obvious much."

Buffy jumped and quickly tried to hide the two tops she'd been deciding between for her da- her _patrol _with Spike.

"What do you mean?" She replied, knowing she couldn't play dumb for long. Dawn shrugged;

"I'm a teenager. We have a natural radar for all things hormonal. Besides, it's not like you could keep your eyes off him at the Magic Box earlier." She said with a smirk.

"That was purely professional. _This _is purely professional." Buffy babbled.

"Whatever, wear the black one, the red one is way too slutty. I'll see you at the Bronze. Oh, and hurt him and you die." Dawn replied with a smile before making her way downstairs leaving her older sister with her mouth hung open in shock. Buffy shook her head, that girl had her sussed. And was that sibling approval of her and Spike's impending itemness?

She heard voices downstairs and quickly chose and changed, praying Dawn wouldn't be enlightening everyone on how long she'd spent getting ready.

As Buffy walked into the living room ten minutes later, Spike was sat talking to Dawn, Tara and Willow. The conversation broke off as she entered the room.

"Are you ready?" Buffy asked brightly. Spike looked at her outfit, confused.

"Are we still going patrolling?"

"Of course." Buffy blushed a little at him noticing her clothes. She hadn't thought he'd complain. Spike shrugged, and then realisation seemed to hit him.

"Oh right, I didn't realise you wanted to go straight to the Bronze afterwards, I'm afraid we'll have to stop off at mine so I can change. Can't have you showing me up." He said with a smile.

"No problem." Buffy was glad to get the matter resolved before Dawn opened her mouth to helpfully explain. As she steered Spike out of the house, she looked back over her shoulder to a collection of knowing grins. She giggled to herself, this was going to be fun.

It felt like things were going well. Sure, she'd been the only one talking, in fact Spike hadn't really said a word, but that smile said it all. God she wanted him. Couldn't he tell? Maybe she wasn't being obvious enough, this was a date after all.

**This was not going well. Buffy had been chattering away like some airhead cheerleader for the last half hour. All he could do was half-heartedly smile in response. Was this a date? He could tell she wanted him, he could smell her arousal, not that that was unusual around him, but God did she have to be so obvious? **

Time for an old trick:

"I'm cold." Buffy deliberately pouted as she tried to snuggle up to Spike. He immediately pushed her away, took off his suit jacket and put it around her shoulders with a smile. Not exactly what she'd been going for, but definitely a good sign.

**Spike had almost laughed out loud when she'd claimed to be cold, when the very opposite was so blatantly true. It freaked him out that he didn't want her touch, it felt weird. Probably just because he knew she felt no more than lust for him, he told himself. Hopefully she'd get the message quickly that he wasn't interested in being used up and thrown out.**

Buffy smirked as she got a naughty idea;

"I think I hear something over there." She whispered innocently, pointing to the trees at the edge of a secluded part of the cemetery. Spike looked slightly unconvinced, so she grabbed his hand.

"Come on." She whispered. They got no more that two paces when screams echoed from the other end of the cemetery. Buffy rolled her eyes. Why did they have to be interrupted right now?

**Spike used the opportunity to release his hand, relieved by the timely interruption. It would take his mind off a certain very horny slayer who'd just tried to have her wicked way with him in the cemetery, and his increasingly weird reactions to it.**

There were six vampires and they had a young girl surrounded. Buffy rolled her eyes. Would people never learn not to shortcut through the cemetery?

She and Spike set to work on the vampires straight away, leaving the girl to run to safety.

**Spike finished up his three quickly for once. He turned to help Buffy, but saw she was on her last one so just stood back and watched. She was breathtaking when she fought; her inner strength and beauty shining out. Her precise, deadly movements were like a dance. She was magnificent. **

Out of nowhere two more vampires sprung Spike as he watched Buffy. She quickly finished hers off and went to Spike's aid, except he needed no help at all. He was awe-inspiring when he fought; his strength and masculinity shining out. His precise, deadly movements were like a dance. He was magnificent.

All too soon the dance ended, but Buffy moved towards Spike, wanting to be in his arms, wanting to touch him, to hold him.

**Spike saw her approach him and as she reached him, he brought her in for a tight hug. He kissed the top of her head. She was so special to him. **

"**Shall we call it a night?" He asked softly. **

Buffy agreed although she was reluctant to go meet the others, but then again, maybe they wouldn't make it out of his apartment, she thought with a smirk.

When Spike flicked on the light to his apartment, Buffy was instantly blown away. Spike excused himself to go shower and change, leaving Buffy alone to explore. She went to his bedroom first as it would be the worst place to get caught. She practically drooled at the sight of his huge round bed. She had to force herself out of the room when she heard the shower stop, but that didn't do much to stop the naughty images from flitting through her mind.

Trying to gain some composure, Buffy looked through his CDs and DVDs. There was a good range of both. All in all she was very impressed. It was a nice, stylish, spacious apartment, and it already felt like she would be spending a lot of time here.

Buffy's train of thought was interrupted when Spike emerged from his room, changed into a dark grey suit and bright blue shirt. Her mouth fell open at the sight. He ducked his head in embarrassment, and tried not to look at her eyes that were dark with lust.

"You ready to go?"

"You know, we don't have to go right away…" Buffy smiled seductively and walked up to Spike. He swallowed nervously as she reached him and put her hands on his chest.

"…We don't have to go at all." With this she looped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his in a passionate kiss. Spike pushed her away after only a second.

"No." He said, wide-eyed.

"It's alright, baby, I want this. I want you." Buffy tried to lean into him again, this time he was faster and held her at arms length.

"I don't want to."

"What? Why not?" She asked stroppily.

"I'm sorry, Buffy. I've been feeling weird about us for the last couple of days, I only just realised it's because I don't feel the same way about you anymore."

"You mean…you don't love me anymore?" She asked quietly.

"Only the same way I love Dawn." He admitted.

"I don't believe this. This cannot be happening. You said you'd always love me. You can't go back on that. You promised. You can't just change your mind." Buffy was getting more and more angry, working herself up.

"I'm sorry Buffy, I don't know what to say."

"Tell me you love me. Tell me you want me." She begged him desperately.

"I can't. I'm sorry."

"But you have to, everything's simple now. We can be together."

"Because I'm human?" Spike snapped suddenly.

Buffy opened her mouth and closed it again, knowing he had her trapped.

"Or is it the nice new apartment that appeals to you?" He was really angry now.

"I want the whole package." Buffy said weakly.

"Yeh, now that it's changed to suit you." He yelled.

"Well it obviously doesn't suit me because you don't love me back like you're supposed to!" She yelled back, riled.

"What do you mean 'like I'm supposed to'?" Spike asked slowly.

"N-nothing, I just meant that, you know, that's what I want." Buffy lied badly, knowing he'd caught her out.

"What have you done?" Damn, he knew her too well.

"Nothing, _I've _done nothing." She said, accidentally putting too much emphasis on the 'I've'.

"A wish. I should have realised before." Spike shook his head, willing away the tears from his watery eyes.

"I'm sorry." Buffy said quietly.

"Why, because you've done something terrible, or because you got caught out?" Spike asked spitefully.

"I didn't realise you'd feel this way."

"Of course you didn't; because if you had, you'd have wished that would change too."

"I…I…" Buffy knew there was nothing left to say.

"Here's some money for a cab, I'm not going anywhere tonight."

"I'll walk." Buffy said quietly, and left, not letting her tears fall until she was out of the building.

Inside, Spike was pacing backwards and forwards. What should he do? Could this be reversed? God, he wanted a drink. Why didn't he just get one? He really needed to talk to Tara. She'd sort it out. He reached for the phone, and then remembered that she'd be at the Bronze with the others. He sighed, maybe Buffy wouldn't feel like going out either. He could go, find Tara and leave without having to see her again tonight. He sighed again, and then reached for his jacket and left for the Bronze.


	7. Under Your Spell

Chapter Seven – Under your spell.

Spike made his way through the crowded Bronze; hoping beyond hope that he'd find Tara alone so he could get her advice without the others knowing. He rounded a pillar and saw all the Scoobies sitting down, listening intently as Harris animatedly told a funny work-related story that they probably couldn't even hear. Thankfully Buffy wasn't there. Willow was sat on Tara's lap, so no there was no chance of getting her attention subtly. Spike turned to leave before anybody noticed his presence, when Dawn spotted him and called out to him.

"Spike!" He froze like he'd been caught stealing burba weed from the Magic Box stockroom. Again. Then he slowly turned around. His carefully chosen suit and shirt had an immediate effect on every woman in the group, even the wiccas. Every female chin hit the floor speechless. This unfortunately coincided exactly with the punch line of Xander's story.

"And so I said; 'That's about the size of it!'" Xander laughed out loud , and then stopped abruptly as he caught Anya's expression. He followed it to the matching drooling expressions worn by the others, and finally to Spike.

"What…oh. Captain Peroxide. Pull up a pew, I was just explaining to the ladies about…"

"I need to talk to Tara." Spike interrupted, then amended off Xander's slightly hurt expression; "If she can bear to drag herself away from the comedy genius that is Xander Harris on form." He got a grin for his trouble.

"What's wrong, Spike?" Dawn asked, concerned.

"It's nothing, nothing at all. It's just –uh." The waffling and the hurt in Spike's eyes caused Dawn to approach him with Tara.

"Tell me now." Dawn said firmly, inadvertently adopting Buffy's 'mess with me and you're dust' pose. Spike sighed, he knew better than to mess with a Summers girl, even a small one.

"It was just… I found out something about the spell. It's nothing really… hardly worth mentioning." He sighed again. There was no getting out of it now. So he gulped some air down and said as fast as he could:

"Buffywishedmehumansoshecoulddateme."

"BUFFY DID WHAT?!" Dawn yelled angrily, causing Spike to wince and the rest of the Scoobies to gather into hearing range.

"She really did that?" Tara asked gently. "You didn't just mistake what she was saying?"

"No. She tried to kiss me. I realised I didn't want her that way anymore, she got really mad, and accidentally slipped into the argument that I had to love her because she'd wished it. It was her. She did this to me, because I wasn't good enough for her love before." Shock registered on everyone's faces; no one knowing what to say, so Spike kept talking.

"So I guess I was wondering if it was reversible."

"It should be." Anya spoke up. "It sounds like the work of a justice demon. If we can find out their name, we summon them and steal their pendant, then their spell breaks."

"That simple?" Spike asked cynically.

"Well yeh; but only if it's a justice demon. It won't work if it's anything else."

"We'll have to ask Buffy." Tara said quietly.

"I still can't believe she's done this." Willow said, shaking her head.

"I still can't believe she's done this because of us." Xander amended.

"She was so worried about what we'd think about her feelings for Spike that she changed him to make her feelings more acceptable." Dawn said, understanding.

"It's hardly surprising. This time yesterday you lot would have staked me for laying so much as a finger on Buffy, let alone dating her."

"I wouldn't have minded." Dawn insisted.

"We're here for you now, that's not going to change." Willow said firmly.

"I thought it was only a matter of time until you and Buffy acted on all that sexual tension anyway." Anya said matter-of-factly, causing Xander's eyes to widen and his hands to jump to his ears.

"Lalalala, I didn't just hear that, lalala." He chanted.

"What's he doing?" Dawn asked giggling.

"Swimming back up De Nile." Anya responded quickly with a grin.

"So getting back to the point… You don't love Buffy anymore?" Willow asked Spike incredulously. Suddenly all eyes were on him again and Xander's hands were back off his ears.

"Yes. I mean, she's hurt me but I love her. I will always love her, just not in the way she wants. I love her like I love Dawn." He avoided Dawn's eyes, knowing the pain that would be reflected in them.

"If this is a wind up…" Xander began.

"When have I ever been less than honest about my feelings for that girl?"

"Man's got a point." Xander conceded.

"What do we do now?" Dawn asked.

"I guess we call a meeting, research into changing Spike back, and until then we party." Willow said with a smile.

"What do you say, old man? One of the gang?" Xander extended his hand towards Spike.

"While I'm living?"

"Or undead." Xander said quietly with an apology in his eyes. Spike shook his hand, then turned to the group.

"First round's on me." He grinned. Dawn's face lit up, causing him to amend slightly.

"You know the rules, only coke for you, Bit."

Later in the evening, Spike was perched on a stool by the bar, enjoying some alone time after the hyperness of the Scoobies on alcohol. Why wasn't he drinking again? Right, Buffy's wish. As he supped on his coke his train of thought was interrupted by a girl sitting on the stool next to his. She was tall and slim, with dark hair; completely his type. Spike couldn't keep his eyes off her as she sat; long legs crossed beneath a sexy little denim skirt. Her dark hair hung loose down her back, which was partially exposed by the strappy halter top she was wearing. She was all woman. She smelt so good and those lips were so kissable, and those eyes… those big brown eyes…

"So were you planning on buying me a drink, or just staring at me?" She asked with a turn of her head in his direction.

"Would you like a drink, luv." Spike found his tongue.

"A coke would be great." She giggled. Spike knew he was in serious trouble. She had him enchanted.

Buffy made her way through the Bronze. She had gone home, unable to think straight with the tears that refused to stop falling. How could she have been so stupid? She sighed. She had to find him, to apologize, try to make him understand. She saw the other Scoobies sat at a table a little way from her. Not wanting them to see her in her present state and start asking questions, she made for the bar. That's when she saw him. She stopped dead as she saw them both. Spike was gently, tenderly kissing someone else. He pulled away, whispered something in the girl's ear and turned to leave her with a huge grin on his face. All Buffy's practiced apologies disappeared, leaving her mind blank and her mouth agape as Spike walked towards her.

"Something to say?" He asked nonchalantly, before sweeping past her, leaving her lost for words.

It was only then that Buffy recognised with a gasp of horror the girl that Spike had been kissing so sweetly.


	8. Friendly competition

Chapter Eight – Friendly Competition

"Sarah?!"

"Oh hey, Buffy."

"Oh hey nothing. What the hell were you doing macking on my man? I assume it's not another tip, unless he saved your life too?" Buffy said sarcastically.

"No actually, I didn't even realise he was the guy you wished about. It's just a happy coincidence." Sarah replied with a sweet smile.

"What do you mean?"

"Well you've wished him into pretty much the perfect guy. I mean I was looking for a quick roll in the hay, but with all the things you put on that list, I think he's definitely a keeper." She smirked.

"You bitch! I thought this was a tip, some kind of reward for saving your life. I didn't think you were going to ruin my chances with Spike."

"Yeh, next time I'll just give you 10 of my life. It'd probably be less painful."

"What?"

"You don't get it, do you? It's always everyone else who's the bad guy. That's why you changed Spike, wasn't it? After all you could have wished for anything, but really all you needed was the courage to be honest about your feelings. From what you told me, he was a good guy anyway. You just couldn't resist changing him though; you were so obsessed with appearances and things that don't even matter that it never occurred to you to wish he'd love you."

"That's because you tricked me. I told you I wanted him to have everything that made him who he is. That means he has to love me."

"No. Love is a choice. People fool themselves that they'll feel the same way forever but they don't, not by feelings. They have to choose it; every day, after every row, every fight and every disappointment. You didn't choose to love Spike the way he was before, why should he choose to love you now?"

Buffy's mouth fell open, but there was no answer. Tears started to swell up in her eyes, and she put her head in her hands.

"I've done a terrible thing."

"Yes. You have, and nothing can change that now. You know that. All you can do now is help Spike by being his friend. Help him to be a man again. You owe him that much."

"But he knows that I want him to be my man." Buffy said weakly.

"He'll forget. He's my man now, after all. My willing slave instead of just you slave."

Buffy winced at the comparison to the words she'd so easily put aside when he'd sung them to her just a few short days ago with all his metaphorical heart. Then she nodded.

"He's yours. If you hurt him, you'll have me and my sister to answer to, and believe me; she's way scarier than me."

"Be seeing you around then, Slayer."

"Count on it."

Buffy sighed. She needed to get out of here. She would explain to the others tomorrow, confess everything about the wish, and then she would do everything she could to reverse the spell, like Spike wanted. Right. Nothing to do with him being in love with her before. Nothing at all. Damn, Sarah was right. She'd been playing with Spike's life and feelings for so long now that she rarely gave it a second thought, but surely if he meant that much to her it was time to let go, let him be happy. Tears ran down her face at this, but she walked out of the Bronze resolved. She would be his friend, just his friend, if he would ever have her back as that.

Spike approached the pool table in time to hear Xander crowing about beating Dawn at pool.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Dawnie. Stronger opponents than you have fallen against the mighty Xan-man!" Dawn rolled her eyes, but smiled at his bragging.

"So how's about the mighty Xan-man opens his wallet and buys me my next drink when I wipe the floor with his sorry behind?" Spike asked with a grin.

"You're on, but I'm having 2 cokes if I win cos I'm driving."

"I think we should make a quick exit. There is definitely too much testosterone around here." Willow said with a giggle to Tara.

"Wanna go dance?" Anya asked brightly. The others agreed and left Spike and Xander to their game. Spike broke, potting a ball from the break. He took his time with the next shot, which just missed. Xander then spent a long time sizing up a shot before eventually missing. As Spike stepped up again, Xander began the conversation.

"What are you going to do about Buffy?"

"Not a lot I can do about her." Spike took his shot, but missed badly.

"I know she did a terrible thing, but she'd a good person. She's been my best friend for years now. I mean, she may not be that bright, but deep down she means well." Xander potted two balls before missing a third.

"I know. In a way that just makes it worse. If Anya had done to you what Buffy's done to me…" Spike let the hypothetical consequences draw themselves.

"Besides…" He continued as he potted a second. "I'm surprised that Xander Harris of all people hasn't been partying none stop since he found out that I'm not interested in his precious slayer anymore." Spike grinned as two more balls were potted in quick succession.

"The fact that she was willing to do that to you just tells me how much she wanted you, and how much she cared about what the rest of us thought. If I'd known that before, maybe I would have felt differently." Spike missed his shot on hearing this.

"Although I guess I'd feel differently if you were still trying to get into Buffy's pants."

"Well I most definitely am not. And you owe me a drink."

"Huh? Oh right." The mighty Xan-man realised that he'd been successfully thrashed at pool.

"So what's it to be?"

"Coke." Spike muttered almost under his breath.

"Come on, I won't have people saying that Xander Harris isn't good for a drink. Have a proper drink."

"I can't. Apparently it was on Buffy's little wish list." Spike said tightly. Xander immediately started laughing.

"Brilliant. That's brilliant. She's really got you with that one."

"Tell me about it. Worse than ­- ,she is."

"Worse than -." Spike opened his mouth to say the name, but it wouldn't come out. Xander looked on as he pulled a series of hilarious faces teamed with even funnier sounds until he finally stopped, opening his mouth slowly in realisation.

"That girl wished that I wouldn't be able to say my exes' names. That… that… that..!" Xander burst into very unmanly giggles at this, which were only made worse by Spike's new swearing handicap. Finally regaining composure, Xander bought Spike the promised coke.

"It could be worse; she could have wished you unable to say any other girl's name." Spike's eyes went wide at this.

"Dawn, Tara, Willow, Sarah. Oh thank God." He said relieved.

"So who's Sarah?"

"Nobody."

"Wouldn't happen to be the same nobody I saw you with at the bar, by any chance?"

"More observant than the others think, aren't you?"

"Thought so. You know, you should ask her out."

"I don't know. I mean, I don't know if she'd be interested."

"Well you won't know unless you ask her. You have her number, right?"

"Well yeh, but I'm still getting used to using a phone again, it's doesn't exactly bring out the best in me.I mean, what would I say?"

"Why don't you throw a house warming party at your place, then you can invite her to it."

"Yeh, that sounds like a good idea… Wait, oh no! No, God, it can't be…"

"What's wrong?" Xander asked off Spike's horrified expression.

"It is. I know what happened. It wasn't a wish at all." It was Xander's turn to look shocked.

"What is it? What's happened?" He demanded, worried.

"It's the only explanation. I must have been staked. And now I'm in hell. Why else would I be taking dating advice from Xander Harris?" Spike finished with a wide grin, receiving a light-hearted punch on the arm for his trouble.

"So anyway, when are you going to have all the lads round for beer and wide screen goodness?"

"How do you know…?"

"Women talk about these things. Tara told Willow, Willow told Anya and Anya told, well everybody, even customers at the Magic Box who didn't manage to escape quick enough. Anyway, we could always come over in 3 weeks for the soccer championship."

"Don't you mean soccer?" Spike asked snidely.

"Err yeh, that's why I said soccer."

"What? You can't call it soccer."

"Soccer." Spike replied in a very forced American accent.

"Oh this just gets better and better. Now you have to call soccer 'soccer' like a real man, instead of 'football'." Xander realised with a laugh.

"Oh my God, no. No, no, no. Of all the low, dirty, evil things that girl has done, this is the worst, the most terrible. She's reduced the beautiful game to a poncy yank phrase. That's it. That's the last straw. Buffy Summers, you are going to rue the day you messed with me. You are going to pay for this." Spike shook his fist in the air, trying to hang onto his last remaining scrap of dignity as Xander cried his eyes out with laughter.


	9. Coming Clean

Chapter Nine – Coming Clean

The next day Buffy walked to the Magic Box, prepared to confess to everything she'd done that had caused Spike's sudden transformation. She'd successfully avoided the Scoobies for most of the day, but she knew that she couldn't put it off any longer. So, feeling resolved, she pushed the door to the Magic Box open and, with a deep breath, walked in.

What she hadn't expected was to find Spike there, with all the others in what looked like full scale research mode. Every head turned to her at the sound of the bell. Something didn't seem right.

"Oh hey Buffy." Willow said quietly.

"Hey Will. Hey you guys. Listen, I need to talk to you all about something."

"Don't you think you've done enough talking?" Dawn snapped at her.

"What do you mean?"

"Please don't tell me you're gonna try to deny what you've done to Spike!"

"You told them." Buffy said quietly in Spike's direction.

"Of course he did, we're his friends. Not that you'd know much about that."

"I…I…You're right. Of course you're right. I've done a really terrible thing, and that's why I'm here. To see if there's anything I can to put it right."

Dawn opened her mouth to say something back, but Giles cut across her.

"Buffy, I really do not understand what would make you do something like this to a friend, someone you say you care about. Quite frankly I'm disappointed, but if you are truly sorry than we could use your help answering some questions."

"I'll do anything." She answered quietly.

"You can start by telling us exactly what it is you've done."

"Ok…Well… err…Where to start?" Buffy was suddenly reminded that although she was the one who'd made this mess, it was Spike's new girlfriend that had actually brought it into being. As much as she wanted to help, she didn't think the others would believe her if she tried to point the finger at Sarah, and she'd probably lose this one chance that they seemed to be giving her to make up for what she'd done.

"Right, well I met this girl… Saved her life actually, and she said that she wanted to give me a spell in return. She seemed really nice. Said it was like a tip or something. So I agreed."

"Ok…but that doesn't explain why you chose to change Spike." Giles had a point. Even Buffy didn't know really. The thought was just put out there by Sarah and she'd run with it without giving it a second thought.

"The girl suggested it. "

"Oh well that explains it all! No wonder you wished Spike human so you could put the moves on him. What else could you do if some evil witch suggested it?" Dawn bit out sarcastically.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say." It was true. Buffy knew that nothing she could say would make this right.

"So what exactly did this girl do?" Giles redirected the conversation.

"Like I said, she offered to do a spell for me. A simple request spell. I wrote down what I wanted and she did it."

"You wrote a list?" Willow asked incredulously.

"Well… yeh." Buffy cringed, waiting for the response, mildly noting that Spike was yet to comment on her confession.

"This just gets better and better." Dawn muttered.

"This girl-" Giles interrupted, "-do you know her?" Buffy breathed deeply, stealing a quick glance at Spike before she answered.

"No, I'd never met her before and I have no idea how I'd find her again."

A few days later, Buffy got home from her successful interview at the Doublemeat Palace. Ok, so it wasn't the best job in the world and it was going to be a strain on her time, but at least it meant money and stability for her and Dawn. She secretly hoped that Dawn would be pleased enough about the news that she'd start talking to her again. It had been days since the confession at the Magic Box and she was starting to feel that the silent treatment was never going to stop. As she opened the door, looking forward to sharing the good news she saw the others, dressed and ready to go out. Cursing herself, Buffy remembered it was Spike's house warming. She was sure that no one wanted her there, least of all Spike, but she had to show him she was sorry, that she wanted to make amends.

"Hey Buffy, how'd the interview go?" Tara asked gently.

"I got the job." Dawn nodded and looked the other way.

"Are you coming with us to Spike's?" Willow asked.

"You guys go on ahead. I need to change first, so I'll be along later." Buffy said as brightly as she could manage.

"Whatever. Let's go." Dawn said coldly. Buffy sighed as she made her way upstairs. It was going to take a lot more than a new job to convince her sister she was trying to make things right.

Buffy smoothed down her shirt and took a deep breath. Then she knocked on the door to Spike's apartment. Spike was looking back over his shoulder as he opened the door with a wide grin towards the room which abruptly fell when he acknowledged Buffy standing there.

"Oh. It's you." He said surprised.

"Yeh… I…I…This wasn't such a good idea. I should go." Buffy gave up. What was the point of being there if no one wanted her there. Surely it would just make things worse. She turned to leave, but Spike stopped her.

"Wait. Buffy. I'm sorry, that was rude of me. I just didn't expect you to come, that's all. You're very welcome though." He said with a smile.

"Thanks. Thank you." Buffy smiled back and relaxed a bit as he led her into the apartment.

"This is for you." Buffy brought a bottle of wine out of the bag she was holding.

"Oh how thoughtful of you; alcohol that Spike can't drink because you wished it!" Buffy flushed at Dawn's scathing remark and was glad when she left her to rejoin the group. Only Spike saw the coke Buffy had also brought for the party.

As she walked into the living room, Buffy observed her friends. She watched as Spike reclaimed his seat under Sarah and resumed his conversation about manly appliances with Xander, Clem and Giles. She saw Spike's arm placed protectively around Sarah's waist and it hurt. Was this how Spike had felt whenever he'd seen her with Riley, because that would explain a lot? Buffy was sure she'd go mad having to see that everyday and act like it wasn't chewing her up inside.

Buffy sat down and tried to ignore the glares her sister was giving her. This wasn't going to be easy. Clearing her throat, she attempted to strike up casual conversation.

"So how are things?" She nervously asked nobody in particular.

"About the same as they were an hour ago." Dawn rolled her eyes and the others looked away.

"Oh…good, that's good."

"Can we watch a video, Spike?" Dawn suddenly asked brightly.

"Sure, Bit. What did you have in mind?"

"Fatal attraction." Dawn said, looking pointedly at her sister.

"I think I'll go get a drink." Buffy muttered to herself before practically running out of the room.

As she poured herself some wine to steady her nerves, Willow walked into the kitchen.

"Hey." Buffy was unsure what to say.

"Buffy, I need to ask you something."

"Ok."

"Why?" Buffy instantly knew what Willow was referring to. She'd been asking herself the same question since her conversation with Sarah a few nights ago. Why had she changed Spike so freely, with no consideration for his feelings?

"I'm sorry, Will, I don't know why. The reasons I had at the time were selfish and thoughtless, and I would give anything to undo what I did, but I can't. I just hope that Spike and the rest of you will be able to find it in your heart to forgive me."

"That's just it, Buffy. I don't know if I can."

"Willow." Buffy whispered as tear flooded her eyes.

"You're not the person I thought you were; the person I trusted with my life. You played with the life of someone you say you care about. I'm really not sure that I can trust you again right now. You've really hurt me," Now Willow had tears in her eyes too.

"I'm so sorry." Buffy whispered as she left the kitchen. Blinded by her tears, she walked straight into Spike coming the other way.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry." Buffy said, trying to move past him quickly, but Spike saw the tears before she could get away.

"Are you okay, Buffy?"

"Yeh, sure! This is a great party!" Buffy tried to sound enthusiastic, putting on a fake smile through the tears.

"So you're leaving because..?"

"I shouldn't have come. Nobody wants me to be here."

"I beg to differ. I invited you, and you came. That means at least two people want you to be here." Spike said with a warm smile.

"Thank you." Buffy replied with a small smile of her own.

"So you'll stay?"

"No. If it's ok with you, I'd like some alone time. The kind that involves the undead and pointy wooden things."

"Ok, I get ya. Look after yourself, Buffy." Spike said sincerely as he led her to the door. After he'd let her out and closed the door behind her, he went into the kitchen, as had been his original plan before Buffy waylaid him.

"Hey Will." He said, before noticing the tears on her face.

"You know, a guy could get a complex."

"Huh?" Willow looked up confused.

"If every pretty girl at his party burst into tears when he walks into the room."

"Sorry, I'm sure it's nothing personal." She said, vaguely hinting at a joke whilst tears still ran down her face.

"Care to share?" Spike asked gently.

"It's… Well… It's Buffy. I've been one of her best friends for years now. I never thought she was capable of doing something like this. I feel like I don't know her at all anymore."

"We all make mistakes."

"I know, but playing with someone's life like that."

"Isn't that what you did to Tara?"

"What?" Willow's eyes went wide. "How… how do you… how?"

"Tara told me."

"Tara knows? Oh my God, no."

"Yes, and you know I never would have thought you'd do something like that, but like I said, we all make mistakes."

"What should I do?"

"Talk to her about it. Come clean, tell her you're sorry."

"I am sorry. God, I was so stupid, it was so stupid. She means everything to me." Tears were falling down Willow's face fast again. Spike pulled her in for a tight hug.

"If she means that much to you, you need to fight for her. You need to fight the urge to change her when things are rough. Make her see that you want her as she is more than anything else." Spike told her gently.

"Thank you, Spike. I'm so grateful to have you as my friend." Willow said with a watery smile.

"Grateful enough to ease up on Buffy for me?"

"I don't get it. Why are you so ready to forgive her? She treated you so badly. You should be angrier than the rest of us."

"But you don't know some of the good she's done for me. She's my friend, and more importantly, she's your friend. I don't want me to be the reason you guys fall out."

"And you're sure you only feel friendship for Buffy? I mean, I believe you, but it still feels pretty weird."

"I know, but I'm so happy with Sarah, things are going so well between us. Everything seems to be falling into place for me. Buffy's part of that, but only like the rest of you are." Willow nodded at this, but gave no reply.

"I think we should go back to the party. Enough serious talk for one night. It's time to have some fun. Real life starts again tomorrow." Spike said with a grin.


	10. Making Ends Meet

A/N Thank you for all the positive feedback. I'm hoping to keep this updating regularly, but please let me know what you think and if you have any questions or suggestions. Til

Chapter Ten – Making Ends Meet

Buffy had started working full time at the Doublemeat Palace three weeks ago. It was a horrible job; she hated not being around for Dawn, being too tired to patrol properly and always smelling like burger meat. It would all be worth it once she had her first pay check though. Buffy planned to buy Dawn the 'must-have' jacket she'd been ogling in the mall for the past 6 weeks. It would all be worth it to see the smile back on Dawn's face, as well as bringing some much needed relief to the financial situation. Not that the job was completely unbearable. Xander, Anya and Tara had all come in to show support in the first week. Only Spike still came, at least twice a week, to buy his lunch. She had been utterly embarrassed that he saw her in the bright orange uniform that she was forced to wear, but the friendship he was offering her was more important than what he might think of her appearance. Snapping out of her musings, Buffy realised she was home.

She opened the door clutching the hamburger goodness she'd brought for Dawn's dinner.

"Dawnie, I'm home, and I brought you some – oh." Buffy stopped as she caught sight of Dawn and Spike tucking into some very yummy looking pizza. Dawn ignored her sister's pained look, but Spike felt bad that he was the cause of tension between them.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were bringing the Bit her dinner. But there's plenty of pizza here if you wanna share."

"No there isn't." Dawn said spitefully before Buffy could answer.

"Thank you, but I should probably shower and patrol. You guys have fun though." With that Buffy left the two of them to finish the pizza and catch up. Ten minutes later she was immersed in the hot running water, letting it relax her tired muscles. She sighed. Of course she had predicted that things would be awkward after her not-so-shock confession, but she hadn't imagined that her closest friends would shut her out like this. She knew she was in the wrong and wanted to put it right, but no one seemed to care enough to give her the chance. Plus she missed Spike so much. He was always there, so close, yet she couldn't touch him, or do anything other than make small talk. She was determined to be grateful for every second she could spend with him, and to try to be a better person, a better slayer, a better sister so she would deserve his friendship and her friends' and Dawn's love. With a sigh Buffy turned off the shower. Definitely time to kill something.

Downstairs Dawn figured it was best to cut to the chase if she was going to get any info out of Spike.

"So how's the job?"

"Fine."

"'Fine' as in good or 'fine' as in drop it?" Dawn sweetly.

"Just fine, Bit."

"You don't like it, do you?"

"Novelty's wearing off a bit, I suppose." Spike admitted.

"What is it that you actually do all day in that huge office of yours?"

"Not a lot. It's mainly checking other people's work and putting a signature on it. Oh, and making sure that the rest of the team is working."

"Isn't it nice to have a steady income? Plus, you get to meet new people."

"Well yes, but I've never had a problem with money. I happen to have a sizable inheritance that my ma left me when she passed on. And you've known me long enough to know that I've never really been a big fan of people except in a purely professional sense. "

"You're a fan of Sarah though." Dawn said quietly.

"Yes. I am. Does that bother you?"

"What? No! Of course not. It's just, you know, I just thought I was always going to be your girl." She said with a sad smile.

"Dawn, you will always be my girl. Sarah doesn't change that. I'd like to see her try. You've been my best friend for ages now. You were the only one to believe in me when the others wouldn't listen. That means something."

"Really?" Dawn said with a grin.

"Really."

"Does that mean we can watch 'Bring it on'?"

"Not again, Bit!!!"

"Oh pleeeeeeease." The puppy dog eyes were mercilessly unleashed on him until Spike finally agreed with a scowl. They had just settled down to watch it when the Wiccas arrived home.

"'Bring it on' again, Spike?" Willow asked with a giggle.

"It was the Bit's choice."

"Course it was." Spike threw a cushion at the space that had been occupied by the Wiccas before the two girls disappeared.

Willow's smile disappeared as she closed the door behind them. This was it; she couldn't leave it any longer. The tension between them had been unbearable for days. She had to come clean.

"Baby, I need to talk to you." She began and Tara immediately stiffened up. This wasn't going to be easy.

"I think you already know what this is about." Willow continued. Tara gave a small nod, prompting her to keep talking.

"Tara, I'm so sorry. I really don't know what's happening to me. It's just too easy. Magic just seems to happen before I can stop it."

"B-but why would you put a spell on me like that, especially after what Glory did to me? People don't just brainwash the people they love whenever they have a fight."

"I know. You're right. I'm so sorry. I'm just so sorry." Tears rolled unchecked down Willow's face.

"I know you are, sweetie, but I just don't know if I can trust you anymore."

"Tara, baby, please! I love you so much. Please don't leave me. I need you. I'll change, I promise. No more magic."

"You'd really stop for me?" Tara's eyes widened at this.

"Yes. But I can't do it on my own. I need you to stay with me, to help me be strong." Both girls were crying now.

"You are strong." Tara whispered before pulling her girlfriend in for a tight hug. It was going to take a lot of work, but both girls were committed to seeing their relationship back on track.


	11. Sisters

A/N Ok thanks once again for the positive feedback. A mistake in Ch8 was pointed out about Spike's comment over not using the phone. That's been corrected now, but if you notice anything else please let me know.

There have also been a lot of demands for Spike and Buffy to get together straight away. Trust me when I say that I've tried to give the plot logical progression. It will be a Spuffy ending, but half the fun for me is getting there. Things will start to hot up soon, that's a promise. Xx til.

Chapter Eleven – Sisters

Dawn breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the door click shut as her sister left for the late shift at the Doublemeat Palace. Flopping down on her bed, she felt the familiar trickle of tears down her face. The last couple of weeks had been horrendous; Dawn had felt almost literally torn in two. It hurt so much to see the constant pain that Spike daily faced. She couldn't bear the fact that her sister, the person she trusted most in the world had caused that pain. At the same time, seeing her being torn up by the guilt of what she'd done wasn't any easier. Despite Dawn's constant jibes spiteful remarks, her sister had thrown herself back into her life with more effort than she had since before she'd passed away for those awful months in the summer. Buffy had been training and patrolling with renewed vigour, and when she wasn't doing slayer-related activities, she was busy trying to make things better for Dawn. She had got this job, helping them to stay afloat financially. Somehow, miraculously she still found time to make Dawn's lunch and keep up to date on what she needed for school. But in all of Buffy's actions there was an empty sadness. Dawn knew that she hadn't seen Spike for more than five minutes at a time since his housewarming, but she'd never guessed that her sister would react like this to the withdrawal of his company. He must have been more of a friend to Buffy than she'd known. The thought of her older sister sneaking off to spend time with Spike despite what the other Scoobies thought of him brought a smile to Dawn's lips. Drying her eyes, Dawn wandered downstairs into the living room. That was when she saw it. The jacket. THE JACKET. The one she was seriously considering selling half her vital organs on e-bay to pay for. Her mouth and eyes were wide with shock, then she caught sight of the note.

_Dawn,_

_I know I can't buy your forgiveness, but I wanted you to know that I'm sorry and I'll do anything I can to make it up to you. I hate it when you're mad at me. I love you._

_Buffy_

Holding the note to her, Dawn quickly made her decision. She put on the jacket and picked up the phone.

"Hello, Sarah speaking."

"Hi Sarah, is Spike there? It's Dawn."

"Sure, here he is…"

"'Lo Bit. Everything ok?"

"Everything's fine. I just wanted to ask you for a favour."

"Anything."

"Let me ask you first, and then you can agree."

"If it's you asking then I will agree."

"It's Buffy. I'm worried about her. I know I've been a total bitch to her, but she's still my sister."

"I know, sweet bit."

"It's just, she's working so hard, either at Doublehell or patrolling. She hardly ever sees the others, even though two of them live with us. She never goes out or has fun anymore. Everyone just seems to have forgotten about her."

"What can I do to help, Bit?"

"I don't know. I just thought that if we started to make time for her, maybe she'd be happier, and maybe the others would start to invite her out again."

"'S a good idea. How about you guys come over on Friday to watch a DVD or something?"

"Sounds perfect. Thank you so much."

"Anything for my girls."

"I'll see you Friday then."

"Night then."

-Click-

Buffy lingered for a few moments on the porch to prepare herself for Dawn's inevitable frosty welcome. She sighed, maybe today would be different. Opening the door, she walked into the house. She was almost tackled back onto the floor by the force of Dawn's unexpected hug.

"I'm so sorry." Buffy whispered into her sister's embrace.

"I know. Thank you for the jacket."

"You're welcome. I figured we should enjoy the temporary wealth of pay day before all the bills come in." Dawn grinned at this.

"Does that mean we can get pizza?"

"Just this once, but you might wanna save some until the end of the month when we have no food left in the house." Buffy said cheerfully. Dawn paused by the phone.

"Spike's invited us to go over to his to watch a DVD on Friday." She said innocently.

"Everyone?" Buffy's eyebrow cocked.

"Nope, just you and me." Butter still not melting.

"What are you up to?" A sweet sisterly smile.

"Nothing."


	12. It's My Party

A/N This is how Older and Far Away would have been in this universe. So in case i haven't made it obvious enough, we are now around 2 months since Spike's transformation. Thanks for all the feedback. I'm glad Sarah is as irritating to read as she is to write. Oh, and Chapter 13 will be some light and fluffy Spike & Buffy & Dawn friendship. Make way for the Spuffyness!!!

Chapter Twelve – It's My Party

Buffy nervously ran her fingers through her hair. She flashed a worried smile at her reflection as she smoothed her skirt. She looked good as far as she could tell, a little on the skinny side, but not too bad at all. She glanced at the clock. In little more than quarter of an hour, her birthday party would start. Dawn had convinced her to arrange one after the success of the first video night. Buffy had been so happy that they were both having fun in her company that she'd readily agreed to make it a permanent fixture. She had been reluctant to have the party this week instead of her quality Dawn and Spike time. It was going to be tough. The whole gang was going to be together, plus Sarah was going to be there. As much as she had tried, she still hadn't managed to get her head round her being with Spike.

Buffy's thoughts were interrupted by the door bell. Well at least she could stop worrying that nobody would turn up. She ran down the stairs as if she was 12 instead of 21 and opened the door. Xander, Anya and… somebody she really didn't know had arrived.

"Happy birthday, Buff. Where shall I put the beer?" Xander said with a grin.

"In the kitchen would be great. Thank you for coming, guys."

"This is Richard. Richard, this is Buffy." Anya introduced the stranger.

"Hi, I work with Xander. Sorry to crash your party, but I had to see for myself the Buffy that Xan-man spends so much time talking about." Richard said with a shy smile.

"You talk about Buffy more than you talk about me?" Anya asked huffily.

"Time to crack open the beer!" Xander said enthusiastically and walked into the kitchen, closely followed by Anya, who was still griping about Richard's compliment to Buffy. The doorbell rand again and Buffy opened to Spike and Sarah.

"Happy birthday!" They said together.

"Thank you." Buffy said quietly. She quickly introduced them both to Richard, Sarah seemed a little too pleased to meet him. Or maybe that was wishful thinking on Buffy's part. It had been hard to invite Sarah as Spike's girlfriend, but she'd swallowed her pride and done it. See? She could be friends. No problem. Now where was that beer Xander brought?

Willow found Buffy in the kitchen obviously psyching herself up to go back out to where the crowd had congregated in the living room. She stiffened up when she saw Willow coming towards her.

"Hey Buffy." Good start, Will.

"Hey Will."

"You okay?" Way to make with the kindergarten conversation.

"Yeh, good. You?" Man, this was awkward.

"Yep, good." Come on Willow, words aren't that hard.

"Good."

Ok, here goes. "Listen Buffy, I wanted to talk to you, to apologize for those awful things I said to you at Spike's party."

"It's ok, Will, I understand. I totally deserved it."

"No you didn't. it was really unfair of me, but I want to make it up to you. I'll do anything."

"I'm just happy you came tonight." The two girls hugged and the several week long tension between them finally disappeared.

As Willow left the kitchen Xander dragged Richard in with him, determined to get Buffy talking to him if it killed him. Buffy looked the guy over appraisingly as he walked towards her. He was a little taller than Spike, with medium brown hair, lovely brown eyes and a sweet smile. Sure he was no Spike, but he seemed like a nice guy. Still, after a few minutes of obligatory small talk, Buffy made her excuses and slowly walked into the hall.

"He seems like a nice guy." Spike commented, making her jump at his unexpected presence.

"Yes he is." Buffy said casually.

"If you want my advice, I'd go for it. You could to a lot worse. You could be really happy, like me and Sarah." With that Spike returned to the party in the living room. It was enough to get to Buffy though. She turned on her heel and went back into the kitchen with a fake smile plastered on her face. Within ten minutes Xander was walking into the living room with a huge grin on his face. He'd had his reservations when Anya had suggested hooking the two of them up, never imagining they'd hit it off so well. Dawn wondered briefly what he was smiling at as he remembered leaving her sister in Richard's embrace. She shrugged it off as people started talking about leaving. Already. It was only 10pm. Why didn't anyone want to spend time with her?

As Buffy shut the door on the night she thought would never end, she pulled Dawn in for a tight hug. For all her efforts to get close to her sister, she'd had no idea that she'd been feeling neglected. It hurt that she'd been the one to make her feel that bad. After all, everyone had stopped talking to her because of what she'd done to Spike; Dawn had just got caught up in it without any choice in the matter. No wonder she'd started stealing things as way of escaping it all. Buffy knew she'd have to help her little sister through this, but she also knew that it wasn't about having the things, or even about the stealing. This went much deeper.

Buffy started to clean up, remembering the revelations of the night. Announcing the slayer gig to Richard had been pretty easy being trapped in a house with a demon. He seemed to understand, but then bleeding from a deep wound was funny like that. At least they had arranged a date in a couple of weeks' time. Then there was Willow and Tara. Buffy felt privileged to have witnessed the sweet reconciliation that had followed Willow's refusal to do magic. It had been so hard for her with pressure all around to help them get out of the house-prison, but she'd stayed true to her promise to Tara. Things looked good for them. In fact, judging by the low moans that were reaching her from upstairs, things felt good for them too. These nicer memories were what Buffy was determined to take from this birthday, all the time writing a mental note not to celebrate her birthday next year.


	13. Girl Talk

A/N Once more I'd like to say a big thank you for all the feedback. I take it all in the spirit it's given – to help me improve as a writer. However, two major issues have come up in the feedback that I want to address:

Sarah. Yes she's the one who did the spell, and did the damage, but it was Buffy who got to wish for whatever. Sarah didn't know Spike at the time so that is not her fault. But she's still in the wrong, and Buffy would have a very good case if she wanted to out her to Spike. At this point she is not going to because she is trying to be a good friend to Spike. He says he's happy; she wants him to be happy even if it hurts. It's her own path to redemption. I'm sorry if people don't see that she needs it, but I think she does.

Secondly, almost everyone has said that the Spuffyness is moving too slowly. This next chapter is some light and fluffy Spike & Buffy & Dawn friendship. I will be building the Spuffyness up from here. I don't want to give away anything, but I can promise more Spuffy and progression in their relationship from here on in.

If anyone has anything further to say on these subjects, could you give me another chapter's grace and if you're still not happy feel free to bug me some more! I really am grateful for every review I get, even if they are critical.

Spuffy love to you all xx til

Chapter Thirteen – Girl Talk

Spike got home from work at 6pm. It had been a hard day at work. He was only just getting to grips with all the paperwork and office politics. He knew it was beneficial to have a job but it still felt so wrong to be answering to his bosses after a century of doing as he pleased. He drew a deep breath. It was good to be home for the weekend. Looking at the clock he saw he had just enough time to shower and cook something for his girls. That thought brought a smile to his face. God, he loved Fridays.

Twenty minutes later Spike was fresh from his shower and throwing ingredients together for a meal. It had been almost as soon as he and Dawn had arranged the now regular video nights that they had agreed to use it as an excuse to get some proper food into Buffy. It was about time she got back some of those sexy curves. Wait, did he just think that? He shook his head to rid himself of the thought just to be distracted by a knock at the door. His girls were here.

"Come in girls. Dinner's on the table."

"You know you really don't have to cook for us, Spike." Buffy said with a grateful smile.

"It's the least I can do to make sure my girls get one decent meal in a week. Unless you guys are planning on turning down my pasta surprise?"

There were twin 'eeps' as the two Summers girls flew to the table and started to shovel pasta unceremoniously into their mouths.

"God, I love Fridays." Buffy managed to say between bites.

The girls were ravenously tucking into their second platefuls as Spike finished his first off. He left them to set up the DVD player, still hearing the sounds of food appreciation as he did.

"So what do you ladies want to watch this week?"

"'Bring It On'!" The two girls chorused. Spike sighed. Sometimes they were so alike it was scary, as well as kinda cute. He was not going to back down this week though. This week they would watch a sensible film. Something educational.

"Not a chance… we're going to watch something thought provoking."

"No cheerleaders or hoes that look like Glory?" Spike was then hit with a double dose of his own personal kryptonite; the Summers' puppy dog eyes complete with adorable matching pouts. After just a few moments under their crippling gaze he gave in.

"Okay, okay, but next week I get to choose."

"Sure thing, Spike."

"You're the best, Spike." He knew better than to believe the fake smiles plastered over their faces. It was worth it to see them happy though. With a sigh, he resigned himself to watching 'Bring It On' again, and tried to assume a pose that looked like he wasn't going to enjoy it. At all. Not even the cute little cheerleading costumes. 'Cause after all, what was so great about this film anyway?

By the time the credits were rolling Spike had a Summers curled up in each arm and a smile on his face. That film wasn't so bad.

"I wish I was a cheerleader again. Love was so much more simple back then." Buffy sighed.

"I'm sure Richard would have no objections if you wanted to dress up as a cheerleader." Spike pointed out while trying to will away the pleasing mental images of Buffy in a cheerleading outfit. With her hair bouncing round her shoulders as she waved her pom-poms in the air and… what was that Dawn was saying?

"What's that, Bit?"

"I said it's going to take more than a cheerleader outfit to save their relationship."

"Dawn, please. Spike doesn't want to hear about that."

"Oh yes he does want to hear all about how Richard is treating his girl." Spike countered, sending little shivers up Buffy's spine at his claim on her as his own.

"He's fine. Really. He's been really sweet and really understanding about the whole slayer thing. I guess it's just hard for him. Most regular guys feel threatened by my power. It's not his fault. I guess I just need more from him than a couple of dates in the week and a phone call once in a while."

"Do you want me to have a friendly word with him?"

"Yes!" "No!" Dawn and Buffy squealed respectively, causing Spike's face to relax into a smile.

"I guess it's early days for both of us. I need to make more of an effort too." Buffy said to reassure herself as much as the others.

"At least he's not Riley." Dawn said with a wicked giggle.

"Riley wasn't that bad." Buffy said trying her best to keep a straight face. It didn't work though and she was soon laughing hard. The others joined in, now that the conversation had taken a lighter turn.

"You mean he wasn't as bad as Angel." Dawn said with an evil grin. It was so much fun winding her sister up about her love life.

"Dawn!" Buffy warned.

"Oh come on, Buffy, Angel is a – good guy with many amazing attributes." Both female heads snapped round at Spike's confession looking almost as shocked as he was horrified.

"Angel is a – sincere man with a truly tragic past." Spike's hands flew to his mouth as he felt the now familiar feeling of words that weren't his own being pushed out of his mouth. Both girls resumed their giggling.

"That is so true, I'm so glad you've come to see Angel like I do." Buffy managed to say through giggles.

"My lips. Those words. My poor mouth." Spike was mumbling.

"So what's with the new president of the Angel fan club?" Dawn smirked.

"Yeh, Xander's going to be so upset that his role has been taken." Buffy continued.

"We could always make him treasurer." Dawn said conversationally.

"So I can't say anything bad about that… that…" Spike stopped, knowing that there was no way he could finish the sentence within Buffy's rules. Both girls were practically crying with laughter at Spike's frustration.

"Another one of your oh-so-amusing wishes, I assume." Spike tried to be mad at Buffy. He really did, but the sight of his girls doubled over in hysterical laughter, albeit at his expense, was worth every bit of the frustration. So he was left looking more like a sulking five year old than a furious ex-vampire. Complete with pouty lower lip that trapped Buffy's gaze for a moment before she caught herself and looked away.

"Wow, this is so cool. What other things did you wish for, Buffy?" Dawn said with a grin. Buffy was unsure for a moment if she could continue the teasing, or whether she might actually annoy Spike or hurt him by confessing something. But there was a challenge in his eyes that she couldn't refuse. He wanted to see the worst she could do, and she was only too happy to oblige.

"Spike, may I borrow your car?" The look of absolute horror on Spike's face as he handed her the keys with no choice in the magical matter told her she'd won.


	14. Black Out

A/N Not much to say about this chapter other than I hope everyone enjoys it. Also the mention of Spike's reading glasses is for kristendotcom who was interested whether he would still have them or not. So yeh, enjoy… xxtil

Chapter Fourteen – Black Out

A week later Spike was packing up for the day. He put away his reading glasses and closed down his computer when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in." The door opened and Buffy walked in.

"Well now, this is a surprise."

"A pleasant one I hope."

"I guess that depends on whether you've come to commandeer my car keys or not." Spike said with a grin.

"Your car is safe." Buffy smirked. "For now." She added.

"I'm here because I got a phone call from Dawn. She says she's staying over at Janice's tonight, so she won't be able to make video night."

"Did it check out?"

"Yep, I spoke to Janice's mom. No alcohol, drugs or boys; just a night of R-rated horror movies."

"Good. So it looks like it's just the two of us tonight then. I can give you a lift straight to mine if you want. Unless you need to go home first?"

"I'm still coming over?" Buffy asked confused. It hadn't occurred to her that Spike would still want her to come over even though Dawn couldn't make it. She'd always assumed that the regular video nights were for Dawn's benefit.

"Of course you are, unless you have plans as well?"

"Nope, no plans." Buffy said with a huge smile.

"Right, let's go then."

"Spike?"

"Yeh?"

"Can I drive?"

"Wench." Spike handed over the keys with a pained look on his face.

They made it back to Spike's apartment in record time. In fact Spike was still white and shaking from the near death experience as Buffy flopped down on his couch and started flicking through the TV channels. He excused himself for a quick shower and after he'd changed he made his way into the living room to find Buffy engrossed in 'Passions'.

"What are you watching that trash for?" Spike asked, laughing at her. Buffy opened her mouth to retort, but thought better of it. Instead she poked her tongue out at him and turned the TV off.

"Need a hand with dinner?"

"You know how to cook?" Spike looked dubious.

"Well no, but you can teach me." Buffy said, embarrassed that he'd called her on it.

With in minutes Buffy was preparing vegetables for a stir fry. Spike was calling out step by step instructions and the meal actually seemed a lot easier to prepare than she'd thought. As it came together, delicious smells flooded the kitchen and Buffy continued stirring.

"It's sticking to the bottom." Buffy whined, her lower lip protruding in a pout.

"Here let me help you." Spike stepped up behind her and held the wooden spatula with her, his body pressed up against her. As he watched the food over Buffy's shoulder he was unconsciously breathing gently on her neck, sending delightful shivers through her body.

"You need to flip it over, like this, as you stir it, so the stuff closer to the top goes to the bottom. Otherwise it cooks unevenly." The feel of his strong arms around her was as distracting as the masculine scent of his aftershave. What was he saying to her? Right, food, stirring. Buffy snapped out of it as Spike stepped away to get plates out of the cupboard.

After they'd eaten, Buffy and Spike moved into the living room. Just as Spike started going through his DVDs, the apartment was plunged into pitch black.

"What the hell?"

"Oh that's just perfect. My turn to choose and there's a power cut." Spike grumbled. He slowly groped his way out of the room. Buffy stifled a giggle as he walked into a coffee table on the way out and gave a small yelp. Within five minutes he was back with a big torch and a small battery-powered radio.

"The whole block has no power. I thought we could use this to find out what's going on." Spike hit the on switch and the radio crackled to life. A news bulletin on Sunnydale 104.4 informed them that almost the entire town was blacked out thanks to some incompetent electricity cable repairmen, and it didn't look like it would be fixed until the following morning.

"Looks like you're stuck with me for the night." Spike said as he moved over to one of the cupboards in the living room. He rooted around for a little while before coming across the candles he'd been looking for as well as a tiny 8" TV that took eight huge batteries, but only had three with it. Buffy and Spike giggled together as they blindly groped around in the cupboards for more batteries ending in a race to find the last one. Spike found one and they took the TV and the candles into his bedroom. It would get cold in the living room, Spike reasoned to himself. They lit the candles and placed them around the room, giving it a soft glow. Then they put the TV on one side of the circular bed.

"Have you got some pyjamas I can borrow for the night?" Buffy's question was answered with a cheeky grin. Great. He doesn't even own any. Buffy blushed a little with embarrassment.

"There should be some T-shirts and sweats in those drawers over there." Buffy grabbed them from the drawer and changed quickly outside the room in the dark. When she went back into the room, Spike had changed into T-shirt and boxers and was waiting in the bed.

Spike sucked in a breath as he took in the blonde beauty as she joined him in the round bed. He noted her choice of one of his old black T-shits that he'd worn as a vampire. He didn't think he'd ever seen her looking this good.

"You'd better not try anything." Spike said with a grin. "I will defend my honour with my very life."

"I'll be a perfect gentleman, I promise." Buffy said with a giggle.

The two blondes settled into he bed, and spent a couple of hours flicking through the channels, watching bits of programmes until Spike found Jurassic Park 3. Any possible scare factor that the film might have had was taken away by the impossibly tiny screen and the black and white picture. But Buffy was quickly engrossed in the barely-there plot. Spike waited for a suspenseful moment before launching himself at Buffy, velociraptor style. He chuckled as the slayer shrieked in terror, but her cute little pout soon appeared and Spike settled down with a promise to make her breakfast in bed the next day. Little chit got away with anything, thanks to that little pout.

After the film had finished, Spike turned the TV off.

"Tired?" He asked Buffy quietly.

"A little, it's hard work fending off a T-Rex." She said with a smile.

"That was a velociraptor!" Spike feigned shock.

"Course it was." She replied, smirking.

"Hey, this raptor could wipe the smile off your face any day of the week."

"I can slay anything that isn't human faster than you can say velociraptor." Buffy retorted, but amended slightly off Spike's look of disbelief. "Except little kittens and puppy dogs, they're so cute." Spike chuckled at this.

"So I just needed to roll over and get my belly scratched to slip under the slayer's radar. I wish I'd known that before." He said with a cute grin which widened as Buffy giggled at his joke. She was so gorgeous when she was playful like this. Spike couldn't remember the last time he'd had so much fun.

As he stared at her, Buffy stopped laughing.

"What is it?"

"It's just, you look so beautiful." He said softly. Buffy found it strange to hear him say it without the lust that used to accompany it.

"Th-thank you." Spike leaned over and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"Shall we get some sleep?"

"Yeh. Good night, Spike."

"Good night, Buffy."


	15. Morning After

A/N This chapter is R-rated. Please respect that if you're not of age. This is a little angsty in places, but I tried to get a balance right. Anyway, let me know what you think. Xx til

Chapter Fifteen – Morning After

The sun was filtering in through the window and onto the bed. Spike squeezed his eyes shut tighter, feeling himself retuning to full consciousness. It was a Saturday, damn it, so he was going to have a proper lie-in. It was as he tried to turn over and bury himself further in the blankets that Spike's body finally reminded him of his bed companion. Some time during the night, Spike and Buffy had cuddled up together, leaving Spike to wake up with his arms full of slayer. Her head was tucked in underneath his chin so he could smell the vanilla scent of her shampoo each time he breathed in. their legs were tangled together intimately but comfortably. A faint smile ghosted Spike's lips. She felt so good. Her breath against his skin felt warm and wonderful. He decided to ignore that one of his hands had moved to her ass during the night, but moved the one that had sneaked up her T-shirt and onto her lace-covered breast to pull her closer. Unconsciously Buffy wriggled in the embrace, snuggling against his chest. This felt so right, like he could spend forever like this, wake up every day like this. Spike left those thoughts, choosing to let sleep reclaim him, glad to welcome the sweet dreams that came from sleeping in her arms. His girl's arms.

A little while later, after Spike had fallen back to sleep, Buffy's eyelids fluttered open. Her first thought was 'huh?'; her mind raced to fill in the gaps. She had been over for the regular video night, then there was the power cut and she'd had to stay the night. Still no explanation for the gratuitous snuggling that was going on. Spike must be asleep. Or insane. No, he was asleep, probably dreaming. Why else would he be gently caressing her butt cheek with his hand while making that low humming noise? Buffy tried to pull away only to find Spike's grip tighten around her. It didn't look like she was getting away any time soon. Maybe she should just lie back and enjoy the snuggling. Except that Spike might not remember when he wakes up. He might think she'd taken advantage of him again; after all he was probably dreaming about Sarah and had no clue that she was enjoying the benefits. She definitely had to get out of the bed; this could have very bad consequences for her. Buffy managed to pull herself upwards out of Spike's grip until their heads were level, but halted, taking in the sight before her with awe. She had never seen Spike like this before; so innocent and vulnerable looking. His relaxed, sleeping form had a beauty that was spell-binding. At that moment, Buffy just wanted to throw her arms around him and protect him forever.

"I love you, William." She whispered and planted a soft kiss on his forehead.

As Buffy pulled back, her eyes met with the azure depths of Spike's. She gasped in shock. They held each others stare for a moment, trapped by the other person's gaze. Buffy was still reeling. Had he heard her? His eyes were so dark and unreadable. He still wasn't saying anything, just staring. He seemed really mad.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." Buffy scrambled to untangle herself from Spike's limbs and the bed sheets, not hearing his soft moan at the loss of the contact of her body against his.

Buffy was obviously waiting for him to do something or say something, but Spike's morning brain had helpfully decided to replay the feeling of her supple ass against his hand on loop. Situations were made worse by the sight of her chewing her bottom lip nervously as she stood, dwarfed by his T-shirt and sweats, with her hair all tousled and out of place. God, he wished he'd been the one to mess it up. He chuckled. In a way he had.

Finally he opted for a quiet "G' morning" to get the ball rolling.

"Spike, I mean it. I really wasn't trying to take advantage of you. I promise I wasn't trying anything on. I guess I'm just not used to sharing a bed anymore. If I'd known that _that_ would happen when I was asleep, I would have taken the couch. Please don't hate me." Spike wanted to laugh. This was so silly, but he could see how worked up Buffy was about it. This was no joke to her. She was really afraid that he was going to kick her out, out of his home and out of this life. He had to reassure her.

"Relax, Buffy. You were a perfect gentleman." Buffy's body relaxed as if obeying his very command. Spike noticed her eyes sparkling brightly as she hesitantly smiled back at him. She really was gorgeous.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" She asked quietly.

"Of course I am. We're friends, Buffy. It would be no different if it had been Dawn that stayed over." As soon as the words had escaped Spike's mouth, he wanted to take them back. The sparkle in Buffy's eyes disappeared and was replaced by tears welling up and threatening to fall. She began to gather her clothes quickly, determined not to let him see her cry. They were just friends, she had known the score. It was her own stupid fault this hurt so much. Why couldn't she have just let it go?

Spike felt like he'd been stabbed in the stomach. He had done this to her. His girl. His angel. At that moment he knew that he'd do anything to see that smile back on her face. Not the regular Buffy one that everybody got, but the vulnerable one, the hesitant one she showed him as she opened up to him a little bit more, let him get just that little bit closer.

Buffy opened his bedroom door to leave.

"Buffy, wait. Come over here." She stopped and slowly turned around to see him sat on the end of the bed, staring at the floor. If she didn't know any better, she would have sworn she saw him willing away tears before he looked up at her. Finally she went to him. He held her on his lap in a tight hug. Both of them relaxed at the contact and the closeness. It felt so safe.

"Right, I need to get a move on." Spike said, trying to sound cheery as he pulled away. Buffy just managed to stop herself from flinging herself back into his arms and having him hold her forever. Get over it girl. He just wants to be friends, remember?

"Are you going somewhere?" If he was kicking her out, then this was getting more awkward by the second.

"I do believe I owe a devilishly good looking lady a cooked breakfast. Not before I have a shower though." Buffy looked for the leer or the innuendo in the words, but Spike's eyes just spoke honesty and sincerity. As Spike grabbed a towel and went for a shower, Buffy's mind was temporarily hi-jacked by the sight of him taking of his shirt and revealing his tight back muscles for inspection. Coupled with the cute slept-on hair he was sporting, Buffy knew she was sunk. And he cooks. I've made a god, she thought as she got dressed.

The hot water running over Spike's body was warming him as well as refreshing him, allowing him to think a little clearer. As he massaged shower gel into his chest and torso, his mind started to wander once more to the blonde girl in the next room. This really wasn't good. Get over it, he told himself. You just want to be friends, remember? Besides, that girl had repeatedly chewed him up and spat him out. When he'd finally won the small amount of trust and friendship she'd bestowed on him, it had all been on her terms until she'd got bored and betrayed his trust. He loved her. Back then he'd wanted her too, but he had never been good enough. Sure, things were different now, but he still couldn't trust her. Not completely. She would hurt him again. Put him back in his place. That girl could probably ask rip out his heart and he'd hold still for her and apologize for getting blood on her top. Even now she had more of a hold on him than she knew. And it was definitely best kept that way. Besides he had Sarah now. His sweet princess. Always there for him to turn to. She seemed to understand exactly what he was going through. She was definitely the right option, the sensible option. He could not be consumed by her until there was nothing left, he couldn't be burnt from one innocent caress by her hand. This time he was going to do the right thing. He was going to follow his head. This was his heart would not be broken. Yes, she was his choice. Sarah.

Spike realised too late that he'd been soaping his morning erection as his thoughts clouded. As he gripped himself and began to pump his thick cock through his hands, he concentrated hard on an image of Sarah that first night they'd met. He imagined waking up in bed with her, legs intertwined. She whispered 'I love you, William' and then kissed him on the forehead. She squeaked when she saw him staring intensely back at her, but he gave her no time to talk. He captured her mouth with his, eliciting a heady moan as he grabbed her blonde hair and deepened the kiss. Wait, blonde? He slid his tongue into her mouth and coaxed her into playing with it. One of his hands went to her small, pert breast as the other tugged at his sweats that she was wearing. Breaking the kiss, she moved down and pulled at his boxers, revealing his throbbing hard on. She held his cock firmly in her hand and began to stroke it, long, firm strokes. At his grunt of approval, she parted her luscious pink lips over the head and began to suck. She slowly took him all the way into her hot, wet little mouth and continued to bob her head in an intense rhythm, her hands moving to play with his balls. Spike's hand was moving faster as he continued to imagine her between his legs. He needed something more, something to take him over the edge. He remembered her this morning curled up asleep like an angel against him and came in long, thick spurts with her name a whispered prayer on his lips.

"Buffy."

By the time he'd got out of the shower, she was gone.


	16. Together

A/N Ok, I'm not sure why somebody thought that Chapter Fifteen was the last chapter because it's not. By current reckoning, Chapter 25 should be the last chapter or there about. And here's the next chapter by way of evidence. This one was hell to write, and I'm still not sure I'm 100 per cent happy with it, but hey.

Chapter Sixteen – Together

Buffy was glad to flip her last burger of the day. The long shifts had been made worse by the events that had followed the black out. It had been three weeks, but images of that morning continued to haunt Buffy's mind whenever it wasn't properly occupied elsewhere. She felt bad that she'd run out on him. Things had just seemed so messed up. She wanted to be his friend, but her stupid feelings always seemed to get in the way. Why couldn't she just stop liking him that way? She'd seen him since, but it was always awkward. Even Dawn had picked up on it. And on top of all the thoughts and emotions swirling around in her head, Buffy also had the images of Spike's naked back and bed hair as he made his way to the shower occupying her mind while she was at work. The monotony of the day spent flipping burgers just left her mind freer to indulge in these fantasies.

By the time she made her way home, she was mentally and physically exhausted. She opened the door at home and made her way upstairs, wanting nothing more than to take a long hot shower and then curl up in bed. She paused on the landing as she heard the low sound of Spike's chuckle accompanied by the giggles of Willow, Tara and Dawn coming from the Wiccas' room. She pushed the door open to find Spike sat on the bed watching as the girls held up different outfits.

"Sorry, Red, that is really not your colour. That would look better with a belt, Tara, and that skirt is Buffy's, put it back now, Dawn, before she gets back."

"Too late." Dawn squeaked. Spike stiffened up but turned to face Buffy with a smile.

"Good day at work, Buffy?"

"Don't ask." She replied lightly.

"That good, huh? Well it definitely sounds like you could do with some Bronze-therapy. We've rung round. Everyone is coming, even Richard." Buffy hardly even heard the words, just staring into his eyes for the first time in three weeks was enough for her to want to agree to anything.

"Sure, I'll come."

"Great, well grab your outfit and bring it in here for inspection." Spike said with a wink, a shadow of the sexy smirk that Buffy was beginning to miss. Then he turned back to the girls as Buffy left.

"That's better, Will, the green brings out your eyes. And if you want a second opinion; ask Tara, she can't keep her eyes off you." The girly giggles carried all the way up the hall. Buffy quickly chose an outfit, maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad after all.

Two hours later, everyone was sat in a booth at the Bronze, sipping their drinks and listening as Spike animatedly told a hilarious story about his boss at work. It was so bizarre to see him as the centre of attention, everyone listening and enjoying his story. Buffy tried not to be jealous. Nobody seemed to even notice she was there. When did this happen? When did Spike start getting on better with her friends than she did? Sure they'd been mad at her, but this felt like something more. Indifference. That was way worse.

Anya suddenly whispered in Xander's ear and they got up to dance. Willow and Tara soon followed them. Buffy looked at Richard, who was animatedly chatting with Spike and Sarah, hoping he'd want to dance, but he didn't notice.

"Do you mind if I go dance for a bit?" She asked him.

"On your own?" He smirked.

"well no, I mean, you could come with me." She asked with a small hopeful smile.

"Maybe later, Buffy." She sat down again, and Richard put his arm around her. No chance of sneaking off then. Instead she snuggled into his embrace, glad at least of the comfort it brought. She tried to pay attention to the conversation, something about architecture, but was distracted by the way Sarah kept flashing Richard little smiles. He quickly excused himself to the bathroom and Sarah, with a triumphant grin, whisked Spike away to the dance floor for some bump and grind.

"What a bitch!" Buffy jumped, she'd forgotten Dawn was still there.

"Don't Dawn. We have to get on with her for Spike's sake."

"Do you ever get tired of doing the right thing?" Dawn asked exasperated.

"He loves her, Dawn. That's all that matters."

"Whatever, she doesn't deserve him."

Their conversation was cut short by Richard coming back to the table followed by a mass migration from the dance floor. As Spike and Sarah stood there, lips locked and totally oblivious to the death stares they were getting from both Summers girls, Xander spoke up in an effort to break the tension.

"Anyone up for a game of pool?" He asked loudly. Spike looked up and Xander practically dragged him over to the pool table.

"What the hell is going on?" Xander asked urgently.

"What? Nothing's going on."

"Then what's with the public display? You're not winning many votes in the Summers camp." Spike sighed at that. He wasn't trying to hurt his girls. He was just trying to be a good boyfriend, and that meant being attentive and not spending all his time fantasizing about that glorious morning with Buffy. He offered Xander the edited version of his thoughts.

"I'm just trying to be a good boyfriend."

"You can be a good friend at the same time." They racked up the balls and began to play, while the others drifted over with fresh drinks. Spike quickly claimed his victory, and asked for another opponent.

"I'll play." Buffy said suddenly, everyone looked at her in shock due to the tension between them and their knowledge of her pool skills.

"Sure." Spike agreed with an easy smile. Sarah and Richard both scowled at Buffy, and Dawn had to stifle a giggle at the sight.

"So how've you been?" Spike tried to make casual conversation as he broke and potted one in off it.

"Not so bad." Buffy replied as she watched him pot another two before missing.

"Didn't see you at video night, last night." Spike commented off hand.

"I had to patrol." They both knew it was a lie. Since the black out, Spike had opened up video night so that everyone was welcome. Including Sarah. He was doing his level best to stop them spending any more one on one time together. Buffy knew she should just get over it, but it was just so awkward and painful that she generally preferred just to be on her own.

Buffy struggled to hold the cue and as she tapped the cue ball into the others Spike thought it was going to be an easy game. That is until it sped up and inexplicably hit three of her balls in. His head shot round to look at Willow and Tara, but they were busy whispering to each other. Odd. He thought. But Buffy missed the next shot so he let it go. Beginner's luck.

Buffy noticed Richard talking to Sarah, her hand on his forearm. Hadn't Spike noticed? Then she remembered. He couldn't get jealous. She sighed with frustration. Great, so this was her fault too. She zoned back in to realise Spike was one his last ball. She lined up her cue for the shot, closed her eyes and hit wildly. Again the white ball whizzed around of its own accord, potting her balls until she was level with Spike. She giggled as his mouth fell open. At least this was fun. She missed her next shot though. She watched amazed as Spike lined up the last ball perfectly only to watch it bounce straight back out of the pocket. She tried to keep a straight face as she miscued the white ball and it defied physics to find its way to potting her the final ball, winning her the game.

"Better luck next time." She smirked.

"You cheated." Spike scolded her, but his tone was light. He was sure of it. Another amusing wish. But Sarah interrupted him before he could call her on it.

"She probably wished you wouldn't be able to beat her at pool." Spike stopped. He had told her about the slaying and demons side of his life at Buffy's birthday party, but he still hadn't told her what he used to be, or anything about Buffy's wish. He let it go for the moment. He'd ask her when they were alone. Plus Buffy didn't look all that thrilled about the turn the conversation had taken.

"Xander, mate. I'm leaving it to you to restore my honour on the pool table." He grinned as Buffy gasped, only just realising that the winner had to play the next game. She stuck out her tongue at him and he brought his hand to his chest in fake shock. He would have continued the flirtation, but Sarah interrupted him by taking his hand and leading him to the dance floor.


	17. Passions

A/N this is more of a fluffy interlude than anything else. Hope everyone enjoys it. Rated PG-13 Xx til

Chapter Seventeen – Passions

Buffy got up in time to make Dawn's breakfast as usual. It was just a small thing, but listening to her sister talk about school, about who was dating who, which teachers were cool and other meaningless stuff was one of the best parts of her day. As she closed the door behind Dawn, she had a huge smile on her face. Things had been better lately, especially with Dawn. Last night she'd made stir fry, like Spike had shown her, and then they'd had a girly night. It had gone really well, and Dawn had only brought up Spike once. After the events at the Bronze, she had insisted on knowing everything that had happened between them. Since then she'd checked up on her regularly to make sure nothing had changed. At first it felt strange, but now it was cool to have Dawn as her friend as well as her sister.

There was a knock at the door, interrupting the housework Buffy had been doing. She frowned as she walked towards the door. Who would call at this time on a weekday? She opened the door to see Spike on the porch.

"Hey Spike, is there something wrong?"

"Nope, everything's just great, why?" Spike walked into the living room and sat down. He picked up the remote to turn off 'Passions'. Buffy had been watching it whilst tidying.

"Well mainly because it's twelve o'clock on a Tuesday. Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I'm ill." Buffy raised an eyebrow in suspicion. Spike gave a half-hearted cough in response, and then gave up.

"Ok, ok, I'm just bored, but that's like a disease. I still need lots of pampering." He said with a hopeful smile. Buffy gave a long suffering sigh for show, then grinned and sat down. She flicked through some channels on the TV until she found 'Passions' again.

"So what's for lunch?"

"Lunch..? Err… I don't know." Buffy knew Spike would not be best pleased to hear that lunch was rare for her, she usually only ate one meal a day, so she played along. "I was going to have some tomato soup, but I guess we should make it chicken as you're _so _ill." She grinned.

"Sounds great. Off you go then." Buffy stuck her tongue out at him light-heartedly and went into the kitchen. When she returned with two bowls of steaming soup, Spike was cuddled up under a blanket he'd taken off her bed and had turned off 'Passions' in favour of 'The Matrix' video. As Buffy put the bowls down, he paused the tape.

"You know, you're almost the perfect nurse maid." He said with a grin.

"Almost?"

"You'd be even better if you looked the part." Spike's grin widened as he produced a tiny nurse uniform that Dawn had worn one Halloween. Buffy opened her mouth to protest. This was really not a good idea. Then she shut her mouth again. She took the uniform from him, giggling as his mouth fell open in shock.

Buffy changed and quickly checked the mirror. The skirt barely covered her ass; the top showed a generous amount of cleavage and the hat sat on top of her plaited hair at a wicked angle. She put on some red lipstick to complete the effect and went downstairs.

Spike bit back a moan when he saw her. This was really not a good idea. He'd only produced the costume to see the look of horror on Buffy's face, he was bored and she'd seemed like fair game. Except now she was changing the rules. He bunched the blanket over him to hide his sudden erection.

"Can I do anything for you? Plump up your pillow?" Buffy asked seductively. God, she was going to kill him. He gulped quickly, willing himself to speak.

"A glass of water, please." He squeaked in a very unmanly voice.

"Sure thing." Buffy giggled and gave him a little wink as she went to get his water. When she returned she slipped under the covers at the other end of the couch and watched the rest of 'The Matrix' with him.

"It still seems so wrong not seeing Jonathan in this." Buffy commented as it ended.

"Oh please, that spell didn't last more than a day."

"It did so. Besides these things have effects. It was like that with… another spell." Buffy caught herself before she admitted it was the engagement spell which had left her with weeks of dreams and fantasies about Spike's lips and … other parts with no satisfaction. Spike quirked an eyebrow at her, a gesture she hadn't seen in way too long. Buffy decided it was safest to change the subject.

"So what else does the patient need to make him feel better?"

"Ice cream!" Spike said with a cute little smile.

Soon they were both sat in front of a huge tub of caramel ice cream with swirls and chocolate chunks. Buffy moaned as the first lot of ice cream melted in her mouth.

"This tastes way too good to be healthy, maybe you shouldn't have any." She teased Spike.

"Buffy." He warned. This was no joking matter. In response Buffy loaded up her spoon with more ice cream and held it in front of Spike's mouth.

"Now you be a good boy and take your medicine." She instructed him. He opened his mouth and allowed Buffy to deposit the gooey caramel goodness inside. Then she helped herself to another spoonful, letting her tongue dart out to clean the spoon for longer than was strictly necessary. Spike's erection became a problem again as she took a second and third spoonful, playing with each for longer, wrapping her tongue around the spoon as she extracted the sweet. Spike shook himself out of the daze she'd trapped him in.

"Think it's my turn."

"I don't know. We wouldn't want to overdose you." Buffy said sweetly, fluttering her eyelashes in faux innocence.

"That's not what I meant." Spike said, snatching the spoon from her hand. He scooped a large amount of ice cream onto it and put it into his mouth. He ran the spoon along the roof of his mouth, leaving a fair amount of the treat on the spoon as he extracted it. It was this he offered to Buffy. She watched, fascinated as he brought it to her lips and put it in her open mouth. She swallowed, not taking her eyes off Spike's. Tension hung between them, neither knowing what to do. It was Spike that made the first move.

"Spike!" Buffy grabbed a tissue and started mopping up the ice cream that he'd just flicked onto her chest.

"Sorry, I just didn't think you were sweet enough." At his grin Buffy got up and went upstairs to change muttering death threats. That was when she had an idea.

Spike didn't realise that she was back downstairs until she launched herself onto the couch and proceeded to attack him in a flurry of arms, legs and…lipstick?

"If I have to dress like a nurse, then you have to look ill." Buffy explained as she dotted more lipstick 'measles' onto Spike's shocked face. She thought she had him immobilised, but he managed to turn enough to send her off balance and then pushed her onto the floor. What he hadn't counted on was Buffy's quick reactions. She grabbed him as she fell so they both ended up rolling around on the living room floor. Buffy quickly pinned him again adding more lipstick blobs to Spike's face. He soon gave up on trying to wrestle the lipstick out of her hands and tried a different tack. He skated his fingers lightly over Buffy's stomach which was exposed. She immediately stopped what she was doing and looked down at him in horror. Spike grinned and did the same again with more force. Buffy burst out with forced laughter and started to wriggle on top of him. Before she knew it, he had her pinned and was mercilessly attacking her ticklish spots. Unable to defend herself, Buffy knew there was only one option left. Attack. She tickled along Spike's ribs, immediately getting the response she was after. Spike tried to contain his rather unmanly giggles, but Buffy showed him no mercy. Forgetting all about the original cause of the impromptu wrestle, the two of them continued to roll around on the floor, tickling each other to death. They quickly became flushed and out of breath, but they kept going as neither was willing to concede defeat.

Buffy was straddling Spike, still wearing the tiny nurse costume which had risen further up her thighs and stomach to reveal more than it had to start with. Spike was still covered in lipstick spots although some of them, especially around the mouth, were smudged. Both of them were giggling and screaming loudly as they wriggled against each other trying to get the upper hand. They were so focused on their war that they didn't hear Dawn arrive home from school until she walked past them.

"Get a room." She rolled her eyes and walked upstairs, leaving Buffy and Spike frozen in the position they'd been fighting in. Buffy's eyes widened and she quickly got up.

"I should… err… shower, because… you know… cleanliness is… next to… something." She babbled, flustered.

"And I should go." Spike stood up and grabbed his jacket, his cheeks red with embarrassment. Buffy didn't even look at him as he hurriedly left the house. He hadn't meant for things to get that far. He'd just wanted some company. And was there any chance that Buffy hadn't noticed his erection that she'd been pressing against so deliciously?

Inside, Buffy was getting undressed for her shower, her mind a mess. This was bad, really bad. She hadn't meant for things to go that far. She'd just been enjoying the company. She hadn't even realised what a compromising position it was until Dawn had walked in. Damn, she was going to want to know all about this. And there's no way she'd believe it stayed PG-13. Why did she always manage to screw things up for herself? Maybe it wasn't so bad. Spike had seemed like he was enjoying it. No, of course he hadn't enjoyed it. Her mind argued. He must have been really uncomfortable. Especially with that stake he'd had in his pocket.

Buffy sighed, and flashes of the day began to creep into her mind. She felt herself getting warmer as she thought of them, especially the most recent ones. Definitely cold shower time for Buffy.


	18. Wounds

A/N Well that's one annoying other half got rid of, only one to go. Mwah! Sorry this chapter's a little on the short side, but I wanted to include it. I'll update again fairly soon, although I have essays backing up at the moment!

Chapter Eighteen – Wounds

Buffy heard a scream and her head shot round. She'd decided to give the cemetery a quick sweep before she went home after a long day's work. It had been unusually quiet until a moment ago, just when she'd thought she might get off early. Stupid vampires. But as Buffy got closer to the action at the entrance to the cemetery, she realised they weren't vampires at all. They were human and they were holding a knife to … Sarah! Buffy rolled her eyes as she recognised the girl. Great, why couldn't I have left early? She thought to herself. She sighed as she made to interrupt the mugging. Do you always have to do the right thing? Buffy noticed that the bad side of her conscience was starting to sound a lot like Dawn. That was definitely not a good thing.

"Ok, you have to the count of ten to get the hell away from that girl before I get seriously pissed." There were definite chuckles from the thugs as they took in the slayer's slight form. That was it, they were asking for it.

"Ten." Buffy launched herself at the four attackers. They were no match for her strength and skill, even their weapons only served to limit their options. She managed to trip one of them early on, knocking them out cold. The three remaining men managed to hold her off long enough for one of them to reach one of the knives that were now strewn on the floor. Buffy saw the intention in the mugger's face with only a split second to spare.

Spike had been wandering for over an hour. He didn't know why, he just needed to be alone. Without realising it, his feet had taken him to his crypt. He spent some time outside the door, thinking. He reflected to himself about what the last few months had brought, but couldn't bring himself to enter his crypt. After a few minutes, he got up to leave. Just then he heard a distant scream. As he rounded the corner at full pelt, he arrived just in time to see Buffy throw herself on top of Sarah, taking a knife in her shoulder to protect her. Spike charged at the attackers, who ran away at the sight of a new fight. Sarah pushed Buffy off her roughly and ran into Spike's arms.

"Spike, I'm so glad you're here. I was so scared." But Spike immediately pushed her away, rushing to Buffy. He pulled her up gently into a sitting position.

"Buffy, are you ok?"

"I'll live." Buffy gave a weak smile, but Spike was already taking off his shirt and tearing the material into a bandage. Buffy's shoulder was bleeding badly and she winced as he tightened the make-shift bandage around it. Sarah looked on in disgust as Spike helped Buffy to her feet, and then lifted her into his arms.

"We need to get her home to be stitched up."

"Can't she walk?" Sarah asked huffily.

"She just saved your life!" Spike said shocked.

"It's her job, isn't it?"

"What is your problem?" He walked past her, Buffy still in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder. Sarah glared at them, and walked away in the opposite direction, furious.

After ten minutes they got to the high street and Buffy insisted on being allowed to walk. Spike tried to argue with her, but quickly realised that he would get her home faster by agreeing. They walked slowly and Spike supported Buffy with an arm around her waist. As they approached the Expresso Pump, Buffy suddenly stopped, her mouth falling open. Spike followed her gaze, confused, until his eyes fell upon the cause of her shock. Richard was sat with his tongue down the throat of a girl who looked about Dawn's age. Spike didn't hesitate. In a flash he was dragging Richard out of the coffee shop. He punched him repeatedly, not stopping even when he saw blood. Buffy dragged him off as best she could.

"Spike, please stop." She begged him weakly.

"Buffy, you can't be serious. He cheated on you."

"Come on, a guy's got to get his kicks some how." Richard spat out. "If I'd realised how frigid she'd be, I wouldn't have bothered. Don't even know why I was still with her." Buffy winced at his harsh words, but cut across Spike before he could start defending her.

"You're right Richard. I don't know why we were still together. We obviously are both very different than we thought. Now run along to your little high school girl before she misses her curfew. Come on, Spike." Spike followed Buffy as she used all her strength to sweep past Richard. As soon as they were out of sight, she fell, exhausted into Spike's arms and the tears came thick and fast. Spike held her as huge sobs shook her. This was so weird, why was she crying over Richard? Except it wasn't Richard she was thinking about. It was Spike. Always Spike. Finally she was letting all the emotion out, everything she'd been bottling up. All the fear, hope and hurt. All the love. And that was it, as simple as that, she loved him. Not because she wanted him, not because she couldn't have him. In fact it had nothing to do with her at all. It was all about Spike. Who he was.

"Shhh. It'll be alright, I promise. I'm here, Buffy, I'm not going any where." Spike whispered comforting words into her ear as he held her close, watching her weep like there was no tomorrow. As she finally wore herself out, Spike scooped her back up into his arms and carried her the rest of the way to Revello Drive.

Upon arrival, Buffy had instantly been fussed over by Willow, Tara and Dawn, but Spike quickly shooed them away. He set Buffy on her bed, and gently took off her shirt and the make shift bandage to see what the damage was. Buffy whimpered as he cleaned the wound as gently as he could.

"How are you feeling?" Spike whispered, not sure how deep the wound went.

"I feel ready to kill something." She practically growled out.

"I meant physically." Spike stifled a grin, even thought Buffy couldn't see it as she was led on her stomach.

"Oh. Well how's it looking, Dr Spike?" They both giggled at this, but both stopped abruptly when Buffy's giggles were replaced by pained moans.

"It looks kinda deep, Buffy." She held her breath as he pressed his finger against the tender wound. "I think it's going to need stitches."

"Wanna patch me up?" Spike chucked at this and took out the necessary equipment to stitch up the cut.

"So is there any particular reason why you didn't tell me about all that stuff with Richard?" He tried to distract her as he began stitching.

"To be honest, I didn't realise things had got that bad, but then if I had I probably wouldn't have told you anyway, based on how bloody his face ended up." Buffy explained between winces, her teeth gritted against the pain. There was silence for a few minutes as Spike went about his work. Finally he spoke up.

"Why did you do that for Sarah?" He whispered.

"Like she said, it's kinda my job, beating the bad guy and all of that."

"I didn't really expect you to take a knife for her though. I know you two aren't exactly best of friends."

"I know, but it's not about that." Spike finished up and cleaned her shoulder once more. Buffy turned slowly on the bed.

"Thanks." She tried to distract him from the inevitable question, but it came anyway.

"What is it about then?" He asked her gently, sweeping some stray locks of hair back behind her ear. He looked deep into her hazel eyes.

"You love her. She makes you happy. I would never forgive myself if I took that away from you. You deserve to be happy." Buffy was fighting tears back, hoping Spike would attribute them to the wound rather than her feelings.

"Why?" Spike called her on it. Buffy looked away from his searching eyes. A lump rose in her throat as she struggled to find the words. She tried to swallow as her mind raced. Just as quickly as her brain had fogged up, it now cleared. She knew what she had to say. There was nothing else to say. So she looked him straight in the eyes as she whispered it.

"I love you." Spike looked her deep in the eyes, and his mouth lowered gently to hers. He swept a sweet kiss across her lips, but as she moved her good hand to cup his face, he pulled away.

"I'm sorry, I need some time. I really can't deal with this right now." With that he left her, and the tears began to fall on both sides of the bedroom door as it shut behind him.


	19. Love and Marriage

A/N Well this is the chapter that you've all been waiting for. I just hope you enjoy it. I think updates are going to slow up a bit. I have finished one essay but still have two more to do. Xx til

Chapter Nineteen – Love and Marriage

"Do you, Xander Harris, take this woman, Anya Jenkins, to be your lawful wedded wife?"

Spike held his breath and closed his eyes. He could have sworn that Xander was trying to give him a heart attack with the suspense. He paused for what seemed like the longest of moments but in reality was only a couple of seconds as he looked into Anya's eyes before he finally said 'I do' and broke into a goofy grin. Spike let go of the breath he'd been holding. Everything was how it should be. Well almost.

After that the ceremony ran smoothly on, as if nothing had ever stood in its way, and before he knew it Spike was watching from the bar as Mr and Mrs Xander Harris took to the floor in their first dance as man and wife. He looked on as they danced, oblivious to the rest of the world, and was happy for his friends. Part of him couldn't help imagining one day dancing the first dance with a bride of his own.

"How did you do it?" Spike was shaken out of his thoughts by Giles' question.

"How did I do what?" He answered evenly.

"How did you convince Xander to stay? The same way you convinced me?" Giles' tone was light, although his questions were serious.

"No. For some reason English tea and demon artefacts hold no sway over Mr Harris." Spike quipped. Giles smiled at this but continued.

"What did you say to him then?"

"I told him the truth… I reminded him that he loves Anya, and that she loves him. That this is just one of a long list of choices that they are going to have to make to keep on loving each other. This one may feel a bit more final, but really it's no different than the decision he makes after every tough spot or argument they have. If anything, it's easier."

"Since when do you have the right thing to say at every occasion?" Giles smiled sincerely.

"All part of being Best Man Number 2… Which is actually an extremely unfair title as Best Man Number 1 isn't even a man at all." Both men chuckled before lapsing into a comfortable silence. It was Giles who finally broke it.

"You know I don't think I ever properly thanked you for convincing me to stay. I can't imagine what it would have been like if I'd have left."

"Don't mention it, Rupert. Like I told you at the time, it's not your strength that Buffy needs; it's your commitment to her, your approval and most of all your love. Whether you like it or not, you're pretty much the only parent she has now. It doesn't have to be a big scary thing. She just needs to know she can count on you to keep being there, doing what you've always done."

"Does that little nugget of wisdom come under Best Man duties as well?"

"I just call it how I see it, and I meant it when I said don't mention it. Seriously, not a word to the girls about any of it, especially…"

"Buffy!" Giles looked like a deer caught in headlights as he interrupted Spike.

"Not a word to the girls about what?" Buffy asked them both, hands on hips. Giles muttered something under his breath about being needed urgently elsewhere before practically running in the other direction, leaving Spike to face the music.

"Spike, not a word to the girls about what?"

"Just… that you all look so beautiful… we… err… we didn't want you all to get big heads." Spike finally finished fumbling through the lie. Buffy raised her eyebrows in disbelief, but didn't even bother to voice it. Under the scrutiny of her gaze, Spike quickly folded.

"Ok, ok, it's nothing really. I just didn't want anybody to know that it was me that talked Harris round."

"Oh. Well we all kind of figured that anyway."

"You did?"

"Yup, we did. Doesn't exactly take a genius. But why didn't you want us to know? Surely that's a good thing?"

"Well yeh, I just thought it should be a need to know type thing."

"I guess it should… but wait, why was Giles looking so shifty?" Spike's eyes widened and he quickly tried to cover.

"He wasn't looking shifty. Have you been at the bubbly?" Buffy's eyes instantly narrowed. He was hiding something from her.

"Spike, he practically cleaned the lens right out of his glasses! Now tell me." She said firmly.

"Not a chance." He grinned and walked towards the toilets with Buffy in hot pursuit. As she pestered him incessantly across the dance floor, past the buffet and into the corridor Spike's pace quickened. He was determined to make it into the bathroom before his resolve cracked and he ended up revealing the Watcher's secret. He was in such a hurry that he didn't notice it was the ladies he was walking towards. Buffy held back, chucking to herself, and waiting for his surprised yelp and speedy exit. When it didn't come after a few seconds, she pushed the door open and followed him in. She instantly saw Sarah and one of the other wedding guests frantically trying to get back into their clothes as Spike looked on, frozen to the spot. Anger rose up in Buffy, and she took a few strides into the room.

"I can't believe this. How could you do that to him? After everything he's been through?" She asked furiously.

"Stay out of this, you little ho." Sarah spat out. "This is between me and Spike." Buffy turned to look at him at this. Tears were streaking down his gorgeous face which seemed to be carved from stone he was standing so still. Finally he spoke.

"Please don't leave me." He whispered, his shoulders beginning to shake with emotion.

"I doubt you'll even notice me gone with her around." Sarah replied, doing up her dress.

"This is because of Buffy?" Spike asked, confused. Buffy winced at his question.

"No. This is because I don't love you. I don't want to be with you anymore.

You're pathetic, always sniffing around that little tramp. Well I've had enough. I've found me a real man."

"Baby, she's just a friend, please don't do this. Please don't leave me. I don't care about him, we can make this work." Spike gestured to the other guy in the room, who was all but hiding behind Sarah. Buffy stood in shocked silence. Then it hit her, of course he didn't care about the other guy, he couldn't get jealous thanks to her wish. Great. No matter what she tried to do, she always seemed to cause him pain. No wonder he didn't want to be more than just friends.

"It's over, Spike. Deal with it. Oh and by the way, that little spell that she put on you. I was the one who did it. She knew all this time, but didn't bother herself telling you. That's how much she cares about you. Not that it really matters as it's irreversible, but I thought you'd want to know. See you around." With that Sarah swept out of the room, the other guy leaving with her. Spike fell to his knees, huge sobs gripping him and shaking his body uncontrollably. Buffy rushed to his side, resisting the urge to follow Sarah and give her an ass-kicking she'd never forget in favour of looking after Spike. She threw her arms around him, bringing his head to her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Spike. I'm so sorry." She whispered to him.

Buffy continued to hold him tenderly. The tears kept coming and she wondered briefly if they'd ever stop flowing, but suddenly they did and Buffy found her self fixed by Spike's intense gaze. The mood changed as if someone had flicked a switch. What had been comforting and friendly became overtly sexual, white hot electricity crackling between them although nothing about their position had changed at all. Buffy held his blue gaze as Spike's mouth descended on hers. This was no sweet brush of the lips like before; this was a bruising, passionate joining. Buffy whimpered at the force. Spike slid his tongue into her mouth, coaxing hers to come and play. Buffy eagerly responded, giving into the hot sensation that was being created between them. Spike's hands started to roam her body. It wasn't until they started tugging at the hem of her dress with single-minded intent that sense came back to her.

"Wait, Spike. I'm sorry, I can't do this." Spike pulled away fast, looking possibly more hurt than he had before, and nearly caused Buffy to change her mind.

"You don't want me?" Spike asked, vulnerability shining through his eyes as well as his question.

"Spike, I want you. It's you that doesn't want me, not really. I love you, but you said yourself that you don't feel the same so I won't take advantage of you when you're this vulnerable. It wouldn't be right." Spike only nodded in response. There really was nothing more to be said. He hugged Buffy in close, and they sat together on the bathroom floor until Buffy decided he was in a suitable state to make it home.

As she walked out of his apartment having left him to sort his thoughts out alone at his request, she caught the soft 'thank you' that floated out with her as she shut the door and smiled. She couldn't help herself. Spike was back on the market.


	20. Moving On

A/N Sorry it's been so long since the last update. Evil essays! Anyway, I've got a fair amount of writing done now, so hopefully updates will be more frequent, not that there's many to go now! Hope you enjoy this, it's kind of an interlude. Xx til

Chapter Twenty – Moving On

"Hello Angel."

"Buffy?"

"Yeh, it's me."

"What's happened? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Well, nothing apocalyptic anyway."

"Oh… Well, good…"

"Yeh…"

"Buffy?"

"Yeh?"

"What's going on?"

"Nothing… Well… you know, something…"

"Is it someone else?"

"W-what?"

"Buffy, since when do you call me for anything other than an apocalypse?"

"Ok, point."

"So what or who is it?"

"It's Spike."

"What? Did he get his chip out? Are you ok?"

"No it's not that, I'm fine."

"Oh. Did he kill someone?"

"No…"

"Did you dust him?"

"Angel! He's your family! How can you say that?"

"Sorry… so did you?"

"No. It's… I love him."

"Great! Another spell."

"No, it's not a spell."

"Course it isn't."

"Angel, I can hear you laughing."

"Sorry, it's just… do you really expect me to take this seriously?"

"This is serious. I'm in love with Spike."

"No. No. You can't be."

"But I am."

"Buffy, you know as well as I do what he is. He's evil. A killer. And he has no soul."

"He's human now."

"He's what now?"

"There was a spell…"

"Aha! A spell!"

"No, not that kind of spell. Someone cast a spell on him, turning him into a living breathing human."

"So he gets a heartbeat and you throw yourself at his feet?"

"No, God! Angel, it's not like that."

"Well, what is it like?"

"I had feelings before… I was confused and I kissed him."

"You what?"

"Yeh."

"You fell for Spike, no pulse, no soul, no dress sense."

"He's changed."

"So you say."

"He has."

"So what, you just thought you'd drop me a line, let me know, really make my day."

"No, Angel."

"Well why then?"

"I need your help."

"This gets better and better."

"I'm sorry."

"No you're not. What sort of help do you need?"

"Spike says he just wants to be friends."

"He has changed."

"Angel, please. You're his family. You have to know what I can do to get him to like me."

"Buffy, you of all people know you can't choose who you like."

"I know. It's just that not being with him hurts so much."

"If you lo- If you _like _him as much as you say you do then you have to give everything up for him."

"That easy?"

"I'm serious, Buffy. He has to know you'd do anything for him. All or nothing. That's how he loves. That's what you have to give him back to even be in with a chance."

"Thank you Angel… You know, I miss talking to you."

"I miss that too."

"You mean so much to me, it's just I've…"

"Moved on?"

"Yeh."

"Me too."

"Yeh?"

"It's Cordy."

"Cordelia?"

"Yeh. She's… uh… changed."

"What did she get a heartbeat too?"

"Buffy!"

"I'm sorry, it's just I didn't think you'd just replace me with the next girl to come along."

"I didn't. It wasn't planned, it just happened, she helped me through a lot and we found ourselves feeling things and without even realising it we ended up in lo- _liking _each other a lot."

"I get the sentiment, if not your choice."

"Ditto."

"I hope you will be happy together."

"Thank you, and I hope that you… No, I'm sorry I can't do it; you're way too good for him. Even Xander would have been better! But I do wish you happiness in everything you do."

"Thank you."

"Wow, this is kinda weird."

"What did you expect? That I was going to skirt around the issue without really resolving it for any of us using some lame ass analogy about baked goods?"

"I guess not… Well I should go…"

"Yeh, me too."

"Now you have to promise me that you won't wait until the next apocalypse to call me."

"I promise."

"Good, now I really have to go."

"Good bye Angel. I love you."

"I love you too, Buffy."

-CLICK-


	21. Real Feelings

A/N What is this? Another update? Surely my eyes deceive me! Nope, here it is, the next chapter. Enjoy! XX til

Chapter Twenty One – Real Feelings

Two weeks had passed since the wedding. Two weeks and Buffy and Spike still weren't dating. In fact they'd both gone out of their way to avoid each other, much to Dawn's annoyance. She knew something had happened between them at the wedding, something more than what they'd told her, but both had skilfully avoided her interrogation one way or another. Buffy had developed a 'we're just friends' mantra that neither of them could tell if was for her sake or Dawn's. Spike had stopped calling at the house and the Magic Box or anywhere else he thought Buffy might be. In fact it had taken all of Dawn's powers of persuasion to get him to come round tonight. She'd promised him that Buffy would be at work until late, and even offered hot chocolate as an extra incentive. Dawn looked at her watch, he was due any minute.

Outside Spike took a deep breath and tried to compose himself. He knew he'd have to face Dawn eventually, but the prospect of her probing questions was less than welcome. He shook his head at the humour of him being terrified by a teenage girl, even a hair puller like Dawn. Finally he knocked on the Summers' front door and presented flowers to the blushing young lady who opened the door.

Dawn stayed true to her word, and warm chocolaty goodness quickly followed Spike's arrival, and then the two friends contentedly curled up on the couch together. Spike was the first to break the silence that hung between them.

"Dawn, I'm sorry I haven't been around much since the wedding…" Spike started.

"You don't need to apologise…" Spike began to relax at her interruption, only to tense up again when she finished her sentence.

"…you need to explain."

Spike gulped. There was no getting out of it. It could be worse, he mused, pictures of his interrogation by Glory flashing through his mind. Dawn folded her arms and glared at him. Scratch that. It definitely could not be any worse. He opened his mouth and shut it again, unsure of what to say.

"Why don't you start by telling me what happened at the wedding?"

"Sure, ok. Well… you see… Sarah finished with me." Spike admitted, glad that it didn't hurt as much to say it after two weeks.

"I know, I saw her leave with Skank-boy. I even got in a well-placed slap for you. That little ho is probably still walking round with my hand print on her face." Dawn said with an evil grin. Spike shook his head in disbelief, a smile forming on his lips. He knew he shouldn't encourage that sort of behaviour, but he couldn't help feeling enormous pride in his Nibblet.

"That's my girl." He grinned back at her.

"Anyone who hurts my best friend has me to answer to." Spike brought Dawn in for a tight hug at this, whispering his 'thank you' into her hair.

"Wait a minute; don't think you can get away with it that easily. I still want to know what happened between you and Buffy." Dawn pulled away to prompt his response.

Spike took a deep breath and closed his eyes. She really wasn't going to like this.

"I kissed her."

"And it was that bad?"

"What? No! It was… nice."

"Right, that's why you've been avoiding each other ever since. Did you bang teeth or something?"

"No! No, the kiss was good… Very good." A goofy grin appeared on Spike's face as the memory hit him in full colour.

"Eww, gross much! Can't you save fantasising about my big sister for your alone time?"

They both chuckled at this, neither one hearing Buffy arrive home early from work. She was about to make her way upstairs for a bath, not wanting to disturb Dawn's alone time with Spike, when the mention of her name stopped her, her foot on the bottom step.

"So what's going on with you and Buffy then?" Out in the hall, Buffy held her breath.

"I don't know, I really don't know."

"Do you love her?"

"Of course I do."

"Do you like her?"

"I… I… I don't know. She's a friend. A good friend. I just don't know if I trust her enough to let anything else happen between us."

"Is this all about the spell, cos that's just dumb?"

"No… no… it's just…"

"You're not happy, are you?"

"I never had much of a life as a human, and it's been fun for a while. Trying it out, seeing what I missed, seeing how it could have been, but it's not me. I'm just not happy with a human existence. I had forever. Buffy took that from me."

"Spike, I don't doubt what you're saying. I know you're hurting, but are you sure this isn't just about Sarah? That must have cut you up pretty bad, that's probably why you're feeling so down."

"I wish it was, Dawn, but I've been feeling like this since Sarah did the spell."

"Wait. Sarah did the spell?"

"Yeh, so she said."

"And Buffy didn't tell you?"

"No. She didn't. I probably wouldn't have believed her if she had." Spike sighed before speaking again. "This is all such a mess."

"I know, but things will get better, you just need some time to think."

"No, Dawn, time isn't going to heal this, I'm just going to get older and be more hurt by what Buffy did."

"We still might find a way to reverse the spell."

"I can hardly see the others chomping at the bit to change me back into a master vampire. Besides Buffy and Sarah are probably the only two people who can do anything about this and neither one of them has been tripping over themselves to help."

"Maybe Buffy thought she'd done enough damage."

"Or maybe she just wanted me to stay as Spikebot until she could figure out how to re-program me."

"Spike, that's not fair." Dawn may not have liked what her sister had done, but she could see how cut up she had been about it, and leapt to her defence.

"I know, I know." Spike settled down. It really wasn't fair dragging Dawn into all of this. He was about to open his mouth to offer some sort of apology when the front door slammed shut. They both jumped in shock.

"Buffy, is that you?" Dawn called out.

Silence.

Spike got off the couch and signalled Dawn to stay quiet. He relaxed a little as he got to the front door and smelt Buffy's perfume. She'd been here not long ago.

"It's ok, Bit. I think big sis just popped back for something."

Dawn walked into the hallway, but instantly noticed the note on the stairs that Spike had missed. Her brows furrowed into a puzzled frown as she began to read.

_Dear Dawn,_

_I'm sorry. I have to go out of town for a while. Someone I care about really needs my help. I've hurt them and only I can make it right. Willow, Tara and the others will take care of you. Tell Giles that the Hellmouth will have to do without a slayer for a little while. _

_Ok, well I need to get going. I'm sorry, Dawnie, I have to. I love you and I wish I could say a proper good bye._

_Buffy x_


	22. All or Nothing

A/N This chapter is a little on the short side, but the next one will be longer. Chapter 24 will be the last chapter. Hope you enjoy it. xxtil

Chapter Twenty Two – All or Nothing

Dawn reread the note for what felt like the millionth time. While Spike had taken her sister's words at face value and relaxed, to her something seemed off somehow. Why couldn't Buffy have said even a rushed good bye before leaving the house so abruptly? Or announced her presence at all? It didn't make sense. And why hadn't she left a contact number? Even when she didn't want to be disturbed she always took her calling seriously enough to be contactable in the event of an apocalypse. Maybe she was just over reacting. Spike didn't seem worried. But Dawn couldn't shake the feeling.

"Spike, can you read Buffy's note out loud to me? I really feel like I'm missing something." She asked.

"Dawn, you need to calm down. It's understandable that you feel a bit strange that Buffy's gone for a few days, but I think you're just being paranoid, reading too much into it. She obviously was in a rush and will call you tomorrow to explain what's going on. Nothing to worry about." Spike gently tried to reassure her.

"Please, Spike, humour me." Dawn insisted.

"Ok then…" Spike agreed, hoping to convince her everything was fine. Of course the kid got jumpy when her sister skipped town. It brought back painful memories of the summer that they'd all much rather forget. Something about those memories brought an extra emotion to his voice as he read Buffy's letter aloud, giving each of the sentences a double meaning that hadn't been there before. As Spike reached the final sentence of the letter, Dawn's eyes widened suddenly in realisation.

"Oh God, no." She brought a hand to her mouth in shock, as she sunk down into a chair behind her.

"What? What is it? Dawn?" Spike was shaken by the look of pure horror on the young girl's face. He hadn't seen it too many times before, but enough to know it was definitely a very bad thing and he'd give practically anything to keep it off her face.

"She's going to die. Buffy's going to die." Dawn whispered, terrified and she instinctively hugged herself.

"What? Dawn, no! You're just scared. I know it's not nice, but she's just left town for a few days is all." Spike was sounding less sure of himself now, but was determined not to panic.

"No, Spike. You're wrong. Those are some of the exact words she said to me that day on the tower. That's why the letter sounded so weird to me. Do you really think I'd forget something like that? It's all I thought about for 147 days. I know it sounds crazy, but you have to believe me. Please, Spike, we have to find her. "

Dawn was trying not to let fear completely overcome her as she persuaded Spike to help her. For once she had to be the strong one, she couldn't just rely on everyone around her making the decisions and saving the day. Buffy needed her. She had to make Spike understand.

"Nibblet, please calm down. You're getting yourself into a state." He said with as much resolve as he could muster.

"Spike, if you don't help me, I'll walk to Giles' house on my own and make sure Buffy knows how you let me wander the streets at night while you were supposed to be watching me. Now shut the hell up and let's get into the car so we can go save my sister's life. Any questions?" Spike opened his mouth but Dawn's glare closed it again. Then she marched out of the front door towards Spike's car without even checking that he was following her.

"When did she get so scary?" He muttered to himself as he climbed into the driver's side.

"So where exactly are we going?" Dawn's shoulders slumped at this. She hadn't thought this far ahead. Her aim had been to get Spike into the car so they could find her. But where should they go? Where would her sister want to end her life? Shaking the morbid thoughts from her head, she made up her mind.

"We go to Giles' house for some back up. He'll know where to start looking." She said, resolved.

Spike quickly started the engine and he began to follow the familiar route to Giles'. He drove at a fair speed, but his first thought was for Dawn's safety. He didn't want to admit it but her panic was starting to affect him. He kept running through her sister's letter in his mind. Dawn was right. There was something off about Buffy's words. Something not quite right. The more he thought about it, the more inclined he was to believe Dawn's theory, distressing as it was. Which could mean only one thing: It was his fault. Buffy could have overheard him talking with Dawn. He had been practically blaming her for all his present unhappiness. No wonder she was feeling upset and guilty. But still, what would suicide achieve? Sure she was hurt, but that didn't usually provoke this sort of response from Buffy. There had to be something more to this. Buffy was a fighter. She didn't just give up.

When they arrived at Giles' place, Spike quickly parked and he and Dawn flew up to the front door before almost banging it down with their urgent knocking. They heard Giles muttering angrily to himself as he came to the door to let them in. Both Spike and Dawn were stopped short by the sight of the watcher in his pyjamas, wearing a pair of plastic looking neon orange socks.

"Ok, what are they?" Dawn pointed at the socks. There was no way she could let this go.

"They're to help get rid of unseemly foot odour. Spi-someone I know recommended them. I'm assuming that isn't the only reason for your impromptu visit…"

Both Giles and Spike were so obviously embarrassed that had it not been for the urgency of the situation Dawn would have loved nothing more than to wind them up some more. As it was, she quickly snapped back to the problem in hand. She showed Giles the note, and explained to him as she had with Spike exactly what she thought it meant. She was surprised when Spike not only agreed with her, but impatiently swept up some of Giles' clothes for him to change into as the conversation was taking too long for his liking. He now seemed desperate to get them all out of the house and begin the search.

"So you have no idea where she'd go. Think Dawn. You knew what was wrong with the note. Where do you think she'd go?" Giles encouraged her, having been convinced by her explanation.

"Maybe her grave, I think it's still there…"

"No. She won't go back there. Trust me." Spike interrupted. He shuddered at the memories of his own grave. He didn't think he'd have the balls to go back there even now.

"Where then?" Dawn asked, sounding more desperate and more frightened by the minute. The question hung in the air as the three of them tried to guess where Buffy was. Suddenly realisation hit Spike.

"The tower."

"But it's not there any more." Giles pointed out.

"She's there, I know she is." That was enough to convince Dawn. Giles quickly changed, then they piled into Spike's car and he drove as if they were trying to outrun an apocalypse. Giles phoned Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya, hoping against hope that one of them would be in the area and would be able to get to Buffy before they did.

As it turned out, the four of them reached the site where the tower had been as Spike screeched the car to a halt at the road beside it. Without a word to any of the others he broke into a sprint into the darkness, towards the place they'd found Buffy's body broken on the concrete what felt like years ago. The others followed him, walking, all of them afraid of what the darkness would reveal at the place of so many of their nightmares. Spike ran, instinctively knowing his way. He had played out so many scenarios in his head. So many ways to save her. Maybe this time he would. Visions of her bruised form, lying limp on the concrete flicked through his mind causing tears to trickle down his face as he ran. This time would be different. It had to be.

That was when he saw her.


	23. The Same Gift

A/N Ok, this is the last chapter of plot. There is an epilogue to come, but this should tie up all the loose ends. Hope you all like it, cos this is one of my favourite chapters.

Chapter Twenty Three – The Same Gift

As Spike approached the figure on the floor, he signalled for the others to stay back. He sighed in relief. Buffy was sat facing away from them with her head in her knees. Her shoulders were shaking.

"Buffy?" Spike gently called out to her and she jumped to her feet, startled. He was immediately taken aback at the sight in front of him. Her eyes were red and tearful, but her face seemed resolved as she stood with a small ornate dagger in her hand. But most striking was his old duster as it hung off her, billowing in the breeze to give her a sense of danger and a presence that wasn't usually there. A small smile graced her lips when she saw him.

"Buffy, what's going on?" Spike's eyes were wide and vulnerable. She didn't think she'd ever seen him looking so scared, like his world was ending. He looked at her with hope and trust, silently begging her to make everything right again, to save him. And she knew she would.

"I'm finishing this." Buffy said quietly but firmly.

"What are you talking about? You're scaring me." Spike longed to sweep her into his arms and kiss the problems away, but Buffy was keeping her distance from him, backing off every time he came too close.

"I just finally worked out how to be your friend, that's all." The same wild look was still in her eyes.

"What?"

"I overheard you and Dawn talking…"

"Buffy, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I was upset." Spike interrupted before Buffy could say any more. She had to know how he felt about her, why it hurt so much.

"It's ok. You were right. If I cared about you so damn much I would have helped you break the spell by now, but I didn't." Buffy's voice was starting to shake with the emotion of what she was saying. Both of them knew it was a lie, but neither could stop the pain the lie caused.

"The spell's irreversible." Spike whispered. Buffy laughed a horrible hollow laugh in response.

"No. Actually that's not quite true. Bad Buffy lied to you, but then I guess you're used to that by now." A single tear rolled down her cheek. Spike could tell this was killing her. She was beating herself up over this, and probably had been for the last few months. Why hadn't he seen it?

"Buffy, I don't understand." Spike tried to shorten the distance between them again, but Buffy immediately backed further away.

"You change back… when I die." Buffy tried to keep her voice as even as possible, not wanting him to see how scared she was. She had to keep her resolve. This was a good thing; the strength she'd been lacking to do it earlier would come from seeing him in front of her. She would die knowing she was giving him back everything she'd taken away.

"I…" Spike tried to speak but no words would come. Suddenly everything clicked into place in his head. He understood why she was doing this. This wasn't about suicide or what he'd said, it was about being the hero, doing the right thing. A grim smile came to his lips. That was his girl.

"Buffy, give me the dagger." He ordered, arm outstretched. This insanity had to stop right now.

"I'm sorry, Spike." There really was nothing else to say. He would never agree to this, never understand, not really. But at least he would know that she loved him.

"Buffy, it doesn't have to be like this." Spike insisted, his eyes filling up with tears that started to run unchecked down his cheeks. He couldn't believe she would do this for him. She would give up everything, life itself, again. But this time it wasn't for Dawn or for the world, it was just for him, only for him. Buffy held his gaze, gaining the strength she needed from him.

"Spike, I've been without your love for 147 days yesterday. 148 today. Except today won't count. I can't let it. It just hurts too much. I'm sorry."

"Buffy, NO!"

"I love you." Buffy raised the dagger high and brought it down fast over her wrist in a big sweeping action to cut her artery. Spike reacted immediately and caught her as she fell to the floor holding her injured arm. He was shaking as he moved the leather of the duster aside, tears blurring his vision at first. But the look of horror left his face as soon as he saw her wrist. The thick material of the duster had taken most of the damage, only a small graze on Buffy's skin was bleeding, which Spike gently licked closed.

The others reached the couple on the floor and flung themselves on a startled Buffy. She had no choice but to accept their hugs, although the shock was still evident in her eyes. Nobody said anything; it really didn't feel like the right time, although they all knew that the words would come eventually.

Spike gently tugged Buffy out of the arms of her friends and into his own. Buffy's mouth opened, a thousand things waiting to trip off her tongue, but Spike placed two fingers softly over her lips. He looked deep into her hazel eyes and wanted to laugh at how simple it was, how simple it had been all along, if only he'd seen it. He swept a stray lock of hair behind her ear. The others stood around smiling, knowing what was to come. Spike smiled as he softly whispered it;

"I love you." Buffy's breath caught in her throat. They were both crying now, as she buried herself in Spike's embrace. He held on to her as if he would never let go, and for a few moments the world was just the two of them. Spike was the first to pull away, as he tilted her head up towards his. He was about to sweep a tender kiss across Buffy's lips when she stopped him.

"Spike, you know I love you, but there's something I need to tell you…"

"Go on…"

"I _loved_ you. Before, I mean. Before the spell. Before all this. I loved you. I was just too dumb and too stubborn to admit it to myself. I'm sorry." Buffy searched Spike's eyes, not knowing what reaction he'd have and not expecting the one he gave.

"I know." He said with a grin.

"You know?"

"You should know by now that I know your feelings better than you do yourself, luv." Spike said with a smirk.

"What did you just call me?" Buffy immediately picked up on his use of a cute little name that she'd really missed.

"Sorry, pet, force of habit." Spike shrugged it off.

"But you can't call me that." Buffy continued, trying to get her point across. She'd forgotten how infuriating this guy could be.

"That's just bleedin' great. I tell the bint I love her and all she can say back is 'don't call me pet'!" A pre-spell tirade came out of Spike's mouth, causing the others to notice as well.

"Spike, did you just swear?"

"Oh, sorry Nibblet."

"Spike! Man! The spell is wearing off! Get a clue! Since when do I catch on quicker than you do!" Xander rolled his eyes at his oblivious friend.

"You mean..?" Spike was dumbfounded.

"YES!" There were several eye rolls as everybody confirmed the news.

"Try changing into game face." Buffy suggested. With a nervous look round the group, Spike tried. He held his breath and waited. The group stood stunned for a moment. Nobody was sure what to say. Finally Giles extended his hand to him.

"Welcome back, Spike."

The tension in the atmosphere immediately disappeared, and all of the Scoobies gathered round with hugs and congratulations.

"Spike, I'm so glad you're back." Dawn grinned as she hugged her best friend tight. "Although I will miss the clothing advice." She added as an after thought.

"I'm back. I'm really me again." Spike said quietly as the reality of the situation dawned on him fully.

"Big Bad's back." He said with a cocky grin that Buffy hadn't seen in way too long.

"I'm bloody well back. Bloody, buggering, balls and swagger, shagging bleeding brollies bollocks, back! Larger than life and twice as British." The grin was even wider now, until Willow interrupted.

"Wait, how did this happen?"

"Yeh, I mean I'm happy for you, man, but this is a little weird." Xander added.

"Oh, I know!" Anya burst out suddenly, raising her hand straight in the air as if she were at school.

"It's quite simple really, when you think about it. The spell was to change Spike so Buffy could love him. When she realised she loved him anyway there was no need for the spell anymore so it ended."

"If it was that simple, why didn't you tell us?" Xander asked, annoyed.

"I did! At the first meeting we had about it. I said 'I'm sure things will work themselves out.' And they did." There were shared looks all round the group but everyone knew better than to stand between the newly weds at the onset of a fight. As the group started to disperse, heading for home, Spike grabbed Buffy's hand and pulled her to one side.

"Buffy, I want you to know that I'll never forget what you did for me tonight. Thank you." He pulled her in for a tight hug before placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

"I love you." It felt more like an admission to herself than anything else, but it brought a smile to Spike's face.

"And I happen to have 3 words of my own to say to you." He replied with a cheeky grin that brought a smile to Buffy's face and melted her heart.

"Oh really, and what might they be?" She asked coyly.

"Angel's. A. Pillock." Spike counted the words out on his fingers, earning himself a light hearted slap before Buffy slipped her hand into his and they followed the others home.


	24. Epilogue

A/N At last I've got my ass into gear to type up the epilogue. It doesn't really have anything extra to the plot, it's just smut ;) Rating: R, very much so. Please respect the rating. If you are not of age, don't read on.

That said, I'd like to dedicate this final chapter to all of my reviewers, especially the ones who took the time to review more than once. Thanks guys, it meant a lot to me. Also a big thank you to kantayra, whose challenge this fic is based on, if you wanna see the spec the link is in the summary.

Also there is an NC17 version of this chapter on my livejournal.

Twenty Four – Epilogue

"Can you see?" Spike waved his hand experimentally in front of Buffy's face and was satisfied that she couldn't peep through the blindfold.

"Where are we going? I refuse to walk through town like this. And it better not make my hair go flat." She grumbled. Spike chuckled. Only his girl could look menacing while wearing a blindfold.

"Now what would be the point of making you wear a blindfold if I was just going to tell you where we're going?" Spike grinned mischievously. Buffy put her hands on her hips and tried to glare back at him through the material, but the effect was ruined by her facing entirely the wrong direction. So much for Slayer sense.

"I mean it, Spike, no funny business."

"You didn't say that last night." He muttered in response, just loud enough for Buffy to hear, and enjoyed watching a delicate blush appear under the blindfold at the memory. He took the car keys out and beeped the central locking off.

"We're not walking?" Buffy asked gleefully.

"Well I was all for walking, but Harris insisted I borrow his wheels. I mean, you can walk if you like…" He finished with an evil grin that Buffy could sense without having to see it.

"No, no! Car is definitely of the good." She replied quickly. Spike helped her get into the car without serious injury, despite Buffy's claims that she was now suffering from concussion. Finally Spike climbed into the driver's side and started the engine.

They cruised along in comfortable silence as Spike took the familiar route. The radio created a pleasant backing track to the journey along with Spike tapping on the steering wheel, trying to relieve some of his nerves. Buffy could tell that this was going to be something important to Spike. He was genuinely worried that she wouldn't like the surprise.

They soon arrived and Spike helped Buffy back out of the car before locking it and then taking her arm.

"Can I take it off yet?" Buffy immediately whined.

"Not yet." Spike said firmly, taking her hand.

Despite the weirdness of the situation, Buffy trusted Spike implicitly. She followed his strong lead, mindful of all his instructions. He led her gently by the arm, careful to deliver her through the main doors, up in the lift and to the front door without so much as a stumble or knock.

"Can I take it off now?" Buffy asked again, with an adorable pout that Spike couldn't resist leaning in and nibbling.

Then he took a deep breath, fished the key out of his pocket and opened the door. He pushed it wide and then led Buffy all the way in.

"Now can I take it off?" She asked gently.

"Yeh, Yes you can." Spike held his breath as she loosened the knot at the back of her head. As the material fell away, Buffy gasped.

"Spike, this is…"

"Yeh, it's my place. Again." He affirmed.

"You bought it back for me?" Buffy asked, wide eyed.

"Well I think I missed it almost as much as you did, luv." Spike admitted with a grin.

"So is _everything_ the same?" Buffy asked a little too innocently. Spike smirked as he caught her meaning.

"Why don't you check for yourself, pet?"

Permission granted, Buffy walked straight to the bedroom. She swung the door open to a sight that took her breath away. She had been hoping the bed would still be there, but she hadn't expected this. All available surfaces were covered with lit candles that cast flickering shadows over the blood red silk of the bed linen. The round bed was covered in rose petals and there was a little card on one of the cushions. Seeing her name on the card, Buffy picked it up and read the contents.

As tears fell down her cheeks at the simple beauty of Spike's words, she felt his string arms around her, pulling her backwards into his chest. After a moment Buffy turned round to bury her face into his shoulder as he held her tight.

"I love you." Spike whispered into her hair as he gently caressed Buffy's back. She quickly relaxed and he used a finger to raise her chin upwards into his soft kiss. Breaking away, Buffy led him to the bed by the hand.

"I love you." She repeated back to him as she started to undo the buttons on her shirt, holding his gaze. Spike stood frozen until she took it off and dropped it onto the floor. The sight of Buffy's breasts held by a simple black bra shook him back to reality and he kissed her again, this time with more force. Buffy moaned into his mouth at the contact. The kiss quickly became more frantic as Spike's hands found their way to Buffy's breasts, unclasping the bra on the way. He was thoroughly enjoying the exquisite little noises she was making as he gently squeezed her with his hand while plundering her mouth with his tongue. They were only just past first base and already he was hard as rock underneath the restrictive denim.

Spike gently pushed Buffy back onto the silk and petals.

After the event, they held each other, still connected intimately, until they fell asleep. As Buffy's eyelids fluttered closed, her last thought was of Spike's card.

_I've never been close to anyone, least of all you, until now. _

_I love you,_

_Your William._


End file.
